Changes {Luke Hemmings fanfiction}

Introduction

"Nothing is easy...
Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning beneath everything around me and no one seems to notice. Everybody goes around with a masque on, with a smile on their face like everything's okay even though it maybe isn't. Why do we do this? 

When someone asks me if I'm okay, I always just answer "I'm fine" to not let them know what's really going on in my crazy mind. 

Am I the only one to think this?"

I was typing away on my private blog that no one reads. Two weeks ago today I decided to write all my thoughts and feelings on a blog so I can get a better control of my non-stop thinking mind. You may think that's weird but for me it isn't. I know no one will ever find my blog, I don't really have any friends so that is not a big issue at all.

Alexander is my best and only friend. Sometimes I don't even want to talk with him, I'm best off on my own to be totally honest, but Alexander is very nice to me and he has some of the same problems as me. 

At school people ignore me, they don't try to talk to me because I really don't think they notice me. I try to hide from people most of the time. 

"Sandy, food!" My mum called from downstairs. If I'm not at school, I'm either in my room or at Alexander's place. Why? Because I hate being home. I used to have the best relationship with my mum and dad but after my dad left us everything changed..

I went down the old stairs to the dining room to join my mum. Her tired puffy red eyes met mine and I could smell the alcohol from a distance. She isn't sober much of the time, but when she is she has a massive hangover and just lays on the couch doing nothing, just like when she's drunk.

It was a few years after my dad left us that she found comfort in getting drunk and "forgetting" him. It hit her very hard when he left us and never came back. She was always waiting for him, just sitting there with sad eyes and watched the door, that went on for about 2 weeks - just her sitting and being alive but not living. She only left her spot when she had to make me something to eat. Other times she sent me over to Alexander so she didn't have to make food. 

Alexander lives down my street, on a street in Los Angeles. We've been friends my whole life, he's been there for me when no one else was. 

I ate the most of my food but not all of it, I just didn't feel like eating. I went upstairs and listened to music for a couple of hours just thinking. I love listening to music with headphones on and thinking. Music always speaks for me when words can't.

The thought of my useless life made me cry. Suddenly the tears were falling down my cheeks. I stopped the music and threw my body down on my bed crying. I couldn't stop my mind from thinking horrible things about myself, so I did the only thing I knew to try to control my pain. I grabbed my shaving blade from my draw and cut myself on the wrist next to all the other scars. Afterwards I regretted it so I cried even more. I hadn't cut in 2 weeks which was a long time for me. I screwed up, as I always do because I am me.

I cried myself to sleep that night. 

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Hi guys, here's the introduction to Changes! 

I hope you like it :)