Personal Soldier (Nathan Sykes Fanfic)

Personal Soldier (Nathan Sykes Fanfic) - Ch.16

I sat relishing the moment we were in, arms around each other and foreheads pressed together, the only sound filling the room a was our breathing. It felt right. It felt wrong. I knew it's what I wanted to happen, for a while now, even after all the arguments and turning him down. But a thought nagging in my head was telling me to stop. The order, the rules I'd always followed even since I was young, broken and forgotten... I sighed, finally opening my eyes. His bright green orbs stared back at me, happiness evident in them. I pulled away, turning from him, without a word spoken. I probably had numerous emotions and worries plastered on my face as he watched me, waiting for a reaction.

The smirk which pulled at his lips vanished when I stood up, not looking at him and shuffling along to the bathroom, picking up a towel and my bag on the way and closing the door behind me, leaving a no doubt distraught Nathan just a few feet from me. I leaned my back against the cool wooden door, taking a breath and trying to calm down slightly. A voice screamed at me to stop moving when I walked further from him, but my mind kept my legs going. How could such a simple thing be so difficult... Because of who we are... It wouldn't ever work... We couldn't ever be a proper 'us'... It would hurt him... It would kill me... I've only just realised how much he really does mean to me and now I see that I can't have him.

I sighed and made my way to the shower, stripping off the clothes I'd been wearing since this mornings flight and stepping in under the hot water. It trickled down my body and I relaxed at the warmth it brought.

What would have only taken me about 15 minutes actually turned into half an hour as I stood hoping that the water would magically wash with it every complication in my life. I gave up, sighing and turning off the shower, knowing I couldn't avoid him forever. I dried myself and was dressed in pyjama shorts and a cami after 10 more minutes. The tension hitting me again right as I opened the door and stepped out onto the beige carpeted, bedroom floor. I looked over to the sofa and saw Nathan curled up and asleep. Even though he had slept a lot on the flight and in the car, it was broken sleep, not actually resting, as he no doubt replayed the past few days in his head over and over... I grabbed a spare blanket from the shelf and draped it over him, making sure I didn't wake him. I felt the tiredness sweep over me again and made my way to the bed, finally laying down for the first time in almost two days. It was only about 2pm and probably should've waited till night but I couldn't hold any longer, letting my eyelids droop and I fell into a deep slumber...

* * * * * *

The room lay dark as I opened my eyes. I could barely make out the shapes of objects in the room. Looking at the clock it was only 3pm, Yet no light streamed through the curtains like it had, not an hour ago. A shadow stood near the sofa. Hunched slightly, looking to the ground. I walked up behind him after getting up from the bed. Placing a hand on his shoulder “Nathan?...” I whispered. No reaction. I wrapped my arms around his waist, from behind. “I'm sorry...” “We told you not to run, not to hide” A deep, gravelly voice answered. I shuddered at the sound and jumped back. The man turned, revealing, not the young, brown haired and green eyed boy, but a man with brown hair, a beard and those horrid grey, lifeless eyes. “Peterson...” my voice didn't sound like my own, it broke as the fear and anger ripped through me. He smirked and turned back around, taking his stance looking down to the ground. There lay a pale, lifeless body. His normally perfect hair, lay dishevelled, the green eyes staring to the ceiling, now a dark, murky green colour. His body, surrounded by red. A pool of blood. I could do nothing but fall to my knees, beside his head, taking it in my lap. The blood staining my hands and the tears which flowed dropping onto his cold skin. For there was nothing else I could do or say, I screamed and kept screaming as though the noise would wake him from death itself.....

* * * * * *

I jolted forward from my pillow. My face covered in a cold sweat and I panted, trying to regain my breath. Nathan sat before me, looking as though he'd seen a horrific sight, his eyes widened. “You were screaming .... You kept screaming....” He said quietly. I couldn't think of anything else but the fact that Nathan was alive and safe, sat right in front of me. A nightmare was what I saw, nothing more. I placed my hands gently on either side of his face, as though they could pass right through him if this was a dream. “You're alright, you're alive, safe...” I let tears fall as I spoke, knowing what pain tore through me when I thought he'd been killed. “Shh, it wasn't real, you just had a bad dream is all.” He pulled me to his chest and held me. I found it odd how we seemed to reverse roles, yesterday, it had been me cradling Nathan who'd woken from a nightmare. We were both fragile, vulnerable and scared. Even the strongest are not immune to fear, and the shadows that lurk in sleep

can haunt the bravest of those.

I sat for a few minutes held tightly by Nathan. I pushed away, knowing that I still couldn't do this, it would lead to to much heartache. I shivered at the loss of contact and lay down underneath the covers, avoiding Nathans gaze, best I could... “So that's it? ... I can't even touch you now?” The bed squeeked slightly as he lifted from it returning to his place on the sofa. “I don't want this .... to be so hard” I didn't look at him as I spoke, but I felt his eyes burning into me. “It's not ... You don't need to like me back ... but it's not gonna stop the feelings I have ... you could just except that, it's not hard” His voice was quiet, just above a whisper, I heard him walking across the floor and saw him in front of my face as he crouched down to his knees. I know I had to keep this up, make him truely believe the 'I don't like you' but it was difficult. I reached over and grabbed his arm, pulling him beside me on the bed as I slid over to the other side. He lay down, pulling the covers over himself. “It's your bed too, don't stay on the sofa” I whispered. I turned on my side so my back was to him, which was incredibly difficult to do, as worry cut at me again ... like if I didn't see him, he'd disappear.

Hoping I wouldn't awake in such a state again I let myself fall back into a deep sleep, a small sense of comfort in me, knowing Nathan lay beside me.

* * * * * *

I stuffed all of the remaining clothes into my bag and zipped it up, checking the room once over making certain nothing was left behind. “Nathan you ready? We've gotta go” I tried keeping a slight normality, like I was forgetting yesterday. He tried too. He smiled and nodded, lifting his bag onto his shoulder. “Here I'll take yours as well” “It's- no that's alright Nath” But he grabbed it before I could and slung it on his other shoulder, winking at me and ushering me out the door.

We made it down to the lobby, which was filled with far more people then the day before, probably because it was Friday. “Oh look it's your best friend” Nathan whispered in my ear. “Huh?” He rolled his eyes and pointed to the front desk, where the man who'd given us the keys yesterday, was stood. “Oh lovely” I sighed. He definitely didn't look happy to see us either, figures... “How much?” I asked. He huffed and checked on the computer in front of him, typing some information in, and turning back to me. “$320” he said. I reached in and grabbed out some money, counting it out onto the desk. I slid the amount over to him, giving a clearly fake smile “There you go” He snatched it from in front of him, “Next please” throwing his hand in the air, almost shooing us”

We walked to our car in the now almost filled car park. “He's happy to see the back of us” Nath chuckled. “I'm happy to be outta there too, those smug, rich people can go shove their hotels...” “Hmmp” “Oh, ..... sorry” Shit. Good job Katrina. Great work. He just chuckled again and shook his head. “S'alright, I know you don't ... approve of the upper class people.” “No, it's not that I don't approve, only some get on my nerves like really I didn't mean anything by it, I-” I rushed to get my apologies out. “Shut up, I'm not offended..” He smiled at me. “Hmm” I looked away, embarrassed and was glad to reach the car.

As I sat into the driver's seat, Nath threw the bags back in the seat and settle into the passengers side. “What's wrong?” He was looking at me. I was focusing intently on the SUV in front of us, it's slightly darkened windows made it hard to see into it, but I saw a figure, a man, in the drivers seat. He sat staring at us, I was sure of it, and didn't look away when I noticed. I rushed to put on my seatbelt and start the car. “Fuck, fuck...” I threw my foot on the accelerator, going probably way to fast for inside a car park. I didn't care as long as we got away. Unfortunately, that car started right after us, at the same speed. “Katrina ...” “Shh, shut up...” I hissed. How the hell do we lose this guy? “Keep watch, tell me his moves... if we lose him.”

As I neared the car park entrance, I recieved a lot of beeps from cars and shouting from people. They didn't matter not right now. Out on the road, I felt better, not confined. But still not safe. There's no other explanation, it was Peterson's people. They'd found us, already. And knowing them a fight would ensue if they were to get what they needed. Like at the warehouse, not three days before. But this time, I was alone....