Falling Into Sunday

27- I Am Remembering

“Venice,” My mom coos sympathetically as I lay on my bed, curled into a ball. “Sweetie, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I sniffle. “I’m just tired.”

“You never sleep after ten. Vi, are you hungover?” She wonders but she doesn’t seem like she’d be mad if I told her that I was, which I wasn’t. I have a huge headache from that drug but that doesn’t really count as a hangover, I don’t think, since it wasn’t alcohol and either way, that’s not why I’m in such a crappy mood. I don’t want to tell anybody what happened because I can’t remember most of it, but I can feel it. I know that something happened and I remember a few parts. I know what had to of happened but I just don’t know if it’s enough to be something real. I don’t know. Nothing is really making sense to me right now. I think it’d help to tell somebody though and I can’t tell Emmett or my dad. They’re both too masculine and stupid, they’d do something irrational in their rage that I would feel guilty about getting them into trouble. I could tell Lexi or Nate. No, I think Nate would be just like Emmett if not worse. I will tell him, but I want to organize my thoughts first. I just need to take a few days and figure out what really happened before I tell Nate anything.

“I don’t feel good,” I mumble into my pillow. “I’m not hungover though.”

“Well, what’s wrong then?” She asks me, stepping into the room and closing the door behind her. I feel the bed dip to my left so I know that she just sat down beside me on my bed and then I feel her hand on my shoulder. My mom has been there for me for my whole entire life. She’s always supportive of everything that I do and I know that she’ll love me no matter what. She’s also more rational when she’s angry than my brother, dad, and boyfriend. She’ll know what to do, I know she will. “You know you can tell me anything.”

I know that I can, so I do. I sniffle again, not really realizing that I’d been crying all night. Even in the half an hour of sleep that I got, I didn’t stop crying. My pillow is soaked with salty tears and my face is slippery too, my eyes are sore and puffy. I sit up but I continue to curl into myself with my knees tucked under my chin and I wrap my trembling arms around my shins as I try to word this. I want to tell her what happened but how can I do that if I don’t even completely know what happened? “I… I think something happened at the party last night.”

“What was it, Venice?” My mom wonders, a face of complete concern etched into her face as she waits patiently for me to find a way to word what I need to say. She seems so worried for me that my heart seems to break a little bit. I don’t want to worry her that much but I’ll explode if I don’t tell anybody soon. I would go to Lexi but I think she’s probably still sleeping and my mom is already here. My mom has more wisdom too, so I think she’ll know exactly what to do as opposed to Lexi, who would be as confused and afraid as I am.

“I was in this room alone, calling Nate, and then Eli came in and gave me a drink and I guess it had drugs in it or something because then I started getting really dizzy and I couldn’t move my body and he wouldn’t let me leave but then he left and Sam and Cole came in to the room,” I explain in a quick blubbery mess. I don’t want to remember what had happened but I know that I need to tell her. She’ll fix this, I know she will. “I don’t remember anything except for Sam taking off my dress but I think they hurt me, Mom. I feel really different down there. It hurts really bad.”

“Venice, I’m confused,” She tells me. “Are you saying that Eli, your brother, drugged you so that his best friends could violate you? Sweetie, that doesn’t make any sense.”

“I know it doesn’t,” I sob hysterically, my whole body shaking in fear and confusion and desperation for her to understand what is going through my head. I just want her to understand so that she can help. “I know but it’s what happened, I swear. Eli wasn’t acting like himself but it was him and he gave me this drink and then the next thing I know, they were in the room and Eli was gone. I don’t even remember how I got home but there’s a lot of blood down there. Mom, I’m so scared. I don’t know what to do. I didn’t shower yet. I read that you’re not supposed to shower so I didn’t so we should go to the police, right?”