Falling Into Sunday

19- I Am In Trouble

“I just kind of had a small mental breakdown,” I inform my therapist on Monday after school. “It was incredibly pathetic.”

“But at least you talked things out with Nate. You know where you stand with him,” She pipes optimistically.

“Yeah, but he said that he doesn’t love me. Enough. I don’t know what that means,” I mumble, running my fingers through my hair absentmindedly. “I’m not as upset about it as I was though.”

“And where does Benson fit into any of this?” Dr. Rosen asks me, writing something on her notepad like I’m some type of science experiment or something.

“What do you mean?” I ask her.

“Well, you’ve had a relationship with both Nate and Benson but you’re only talking about Nate and I’m curious- what are your feelings towards Benson?” She wonders.

I shrug. “I don’t know. Pretty much platonic, I guess. He’s really great and he’s helping me through a lot but we’re pretty much just friends. We hook up sometimes but that’s really it.”

“Are you sure that you’re okay with that kind of relationship?” She asks me.

I nod. “It’s the only kind of relationship that I can handle right now so yes. And it helps a lot with getting my mind off of things and when I have nightmares and stuff.”

“Venice, if you’re having trouble sleeping, I can give you a prescription for sleeping pills. Sex is not a healthy way to deal with oppressed memories,” Dr. Rosen informs me, writing some more stuff on her notepad of mystery.

“Emmett said that I should ask you about sleeping pills,” I mumble. “I keep waking him up with nightmares and such. I think those would be a good idea but I still don’t want to stop having sex with Ben.”

“That’s your decision,” She says. “But just think about why you are doing it. I cannot tell you what to do but I just want you to be proud of your decisions.”

“I’m fine with my decision,” I assure her. “How much time to we have left?”

“About fifteen minutes,” She tells me after looking at her watch. “Is there anything else that you would like to talk about?”

“Not really,” I shrug. “I think we’ve covered everything, Doc.”

“Well, not everything,” She disagrees with me. “You still haven’t told me why you left in the first place. Do you think you might be ready to share your story next week?”

I shake my head. “No.”

“Okay. We’ll get there, Venice,” She assures me. “Let’s continue talking about Benson.”

“There’s really nothing to talk about,” I shrug. “He wasn’t at school today so that sucked and I haven’t talked to him since Saturday when he was going to tell me something but then he changed his mind and just left.”

“Maybe he’s mad at you about something?” She suggests.

“But I didn’t do anything,” I inform her. “So he shouldn’t be mad at me.”

“It’s just something to consider,” She tells me. “Now, let’s talk about our drug options.”

That’s what we do for the last fifteen minutes and I leave with a prescription to fill at the pharmacy that just so happens to be down the street from the music store. I thank Dr. Rosen as I stand up out of the cozy chair and then I promise that I’ll see her next week before I’m out the door to go to the pharmacy.