Under a Bad Moon

Under a Bad Moon~*~Chapter 20

This is a really short chapter, I know, but it is really meant just to show how Veronica was feeling and what happened to Austin after he passed out O.o Enjoy.

(Dedicated to Nina Rose because she's awesome and she writes THE BEST Fantasy stories ever.)

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Chapter 20

{Veronica’s POV}

            If the grass is greener on the other side, why is the paint on the opposite wall never brighter?

            People can argue this saying that the one can get dirty and appear darker, but I’ve been staring at this wall for almost two weeks and have noticed that, yes, the walls are the same exact colors. It wasn’t even a fun color. Just a bland beige color that added to my turmoil.

            Why did it have to be such a sad color? It was so one-toned and boring. Why couldn’t my room be painted rainbow colors? That’d be nice. Maybe it’d be less depressing and I wouldn’t want to throw a paint can at my wall.

            “Veronica?” My mother knocked on the door lightly before pushing it open slightly. “Are you going to come down for lunch?”

            “No,” I replied in a monotone voice. I was sitting on my bed in a large T shirt that I was sure belonged to Austin or my dad. I had been sitting there for days. Yes, I had gotten up to shower on several occasions. I didn’t like to feel dirty…

            “Are you sure?”

            I didn’t bother answering. She already knew. She came up with a tray of food three times a day and left with the still full tray. I refused to eat, I had no appetite. I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t even have the patience to watch TV. I just sat and stared. What better was there to do when the thing I wanted most was missing? Gone forever?

            I would never get AJ back and knowing it hurt so much. It was a constant ache in my heart and mind. I had only been a mother for a few hours. I had only held my baby once, right after his heart stopped beating. But I had loved him like I had loved nothing else before and nothing, absolutely nothing could replace him.

            In some ways, I think it would’ve been easier had I had a miscarriage. I wouldn’t have felt like such a failure as a parent. I hadn’t protected my pup, my cub, my baby, my son.

            To make it worse, if I ever decided I wanted kids again, the chances of me getting pregnant, and the fetus not dying before I found out, were slim. I had been lucky to get pregnant with AJ… Now…I didn’t even know. It hurt though. I would probably never have children. I had always wanted children, at least one to call my own.

            That’s all I wanted in life.

            I could never have it.

            Austin took that opportunity from me.

            And to think, I had been falling for him. So hard. But he had turned his back on me and focused on himself instead.

            It was his fault.

            Everything was his fault.

            I stood up quickly, the world spinning and swaying around me as a result of my sudden movements. Without waiting for the world to settle, I started walking. I had one destination in mind. The world whirled and twirled as I walked. It was disorienting, but I made it down the stairs without falling.