When She Speaks (Rewritting soon)

Chapter 8- Sad Days...

He held up his apple to my lips, “Take a bite.” 

I shook my head.  You don’t need to feed me.

“If you don’t take a bite of this damn apple, I will do something extremely embarrassing.” He warned.

I raised my eyes, challenging him.

“Star, don’t test me.”  James warned. I stared at the green apple with wide eyes.

I sunk my teeth into the apple. I didn’t want him to cause any trouble on my behalf. 

James slid his hand under his chin and watched me with alert eyes.   He turned his head sharply to the boy that approached our table. The boy was dressed in a football jersey and dark faded jeans. The angry glare in the young boy’s eyes couldn’t be missed.  He twirled a foot between his rather large hands and looked over to James. He viewed as the invisible ghost.

“I thought we were friends, James.” The boy said.

James clenched his teeth, “We are friends.”

“No, my friends don’t sit with losers. Even the drama freaks refuse to sit with that thing.” He said.  I flinched at his harsh words.  He referred to me as a ‘thing’.   This boy—that stood before with cold eyes—didn’t even acknowledge the fact that I was human.

“Excuse me?” James asked.

“I think you need to sit at our table. I’m only trying to help you, James. I honestly can’t imagine how you can stand to look at her, let alone sit beside her.  You have to make a choice.”  The boy said.

He peered his eyes at me and laughed, “Do you ever think you will ever get that scar removed?”  A group of boys laughed behind me. Soon, the entire cafeteria was laughing.  James was tugging on my hand. He was telling me, “It’s going to be okay.”

But I didn’t think it was going to be okay. The voices became louder and louder. Even though James was at by side, I felt alone.  I ran out of the cafeteria. I was good at running. Hiding was my specialty. The boy’s words weren’t really that cruel.

I hide under a flight of stairs, so James couldn’t find me. I didn’t need anyone to find me.  And I really didn’t need James to give up his friends for me because he felt sorry for me. I didn’t need to destroy his life.

I heard a door slam.

“Star are you out here?” James called.

I could hear him calling my name again and again. I wouldn’t answer.  He would be better without him.  I wouldn’t destroy his life. I would rather face my demons on my own then hurt another person.

I wiped my tears with the back of my hand.

~*~

That night, I went to bed early. My mother had asked prying questions about James and she tried to read my facial expression but I avoided her glaring stare.  Every time she said his name, my stomach clenched with guilt.  In retro respect, I had only known James for a few days.  He had given me too many happy memories.   I curled up in bed and pushed the covers over my head. My mother pushed open the door and entered my room.  I could her slippers sliding across the wooden floor and she had a gentle smile.

“Did something happen at school?” She asked, “We can get through anything, baby. It’s going to be okay.”

I fought more tears. It was never going to be okay.  I turned on my side and crushed my face into my pillow. I closed my eyes and drifted into a far away place.  I wanted to never wake up. Why couldn’t I wake up as someone else?

I woke up at noon on a Saturday. My windows were parted and the birds were singing. I rolled out of bed and shut my curtains, diving back into the darkness. I bent down by a wooden chest that stood at the foot of my bed.  I carefully removed the top lid of the chest and pulled out a diary.  I held the diary to my chest and I flipped through the pages. The book was nearly filled with painful memories and dark secrets.  I use to write in my journal everyday but then I stopped writing. The memories had just become too painful to re-live.  Maybe, it was time I started a new journal. 

I picked up an empty notebook and I started writing. My pencil raced across the empty page. In two hours, I hadwritten nearlyseven pages. The last line read: I miss him. I hugged my new journal tight to my chest and I held my breath until the oxygen poured out of my lungs.

I just missed him.