The Silver Scar

Chapter 13: Turned Left And Never Came Back

Chapter 13: Turned, Left, And Never Came Back

It was the afternoon. I couldn't stop thinking about all of the things Blake told me. He was right. I was a leech, a monster, a person who is always going to be alone.

He was right. No matter how much I wanted that life, one with him-- one with Garrett-- I was just alone. I made myself this way. I was destined to be. I have said that I accepted my fate so many times, when I never really had. I was lying to myself, I was lying to Garrett, and I was lying to Blake.

I hadn't accepted my fate, and that's why I have been holding onto what Blake and I had. That's why it hurt me so much when he said the truth, because I couldn't do it for myself.

Maybe in time, I will except that I was unlucky. That I wasn't a princess in one of those fairytales. I couldn't wait for my knight in shining armor, because I had already found him-- and pushed him away and destroyed him.

I did all of this to myself, and I hurt people in the process.

I just hoped Garrett and Blake were okay. I hate what I did to them. For the people I have hurt. I hate myself.

And now Amanda will have to face the fact that her best friend is a psycho. Her friend is someone good people shouldn't be friends with. She deserved so much better too. Everyone did. But I just ended up pulling them all into my misery.

The guard does his rounds, walking over to my cell to make sure I am in it. "The jail truck is picking you up tomorrow." I look at him and nod. Before he walks away I call out to him, "Guard?"

He looks at me expectantly. "Bring Detective Morgan to my cell. I want to talk to him. I don't need to be cuffed or anything. You don't even need to open the cell. I just need to talk to him." The guard looks at me firmly, "Just-- Please." I beg hoarsely. The guard gives me a stiff nod before leaving. I pull my knees to my chest. I know what I need to do.

✣

I wait for Blake to arrive.

I hear footsteps.

"It's good that you hate me you know." I say when he reaches my cell. I look up from my knees. Blakes face is blank, no emotion in his eyes. That's good. "You need to move on." I tell him. "You deserve to move on."

Blake didn't speak. I took that as my opportunity. It was my time to talk.

"You were right you know," I admitted. "All except one minor detail." I said, the minor coming out sarcastically, but firmly. Blake looked straight into my eyes, curious.

"Once upon a time," I paused, a small nostalgic smile conforming on my face, "A girl met a boy and fell in love." I took a breath, willing myself not to cry. "She had-- had never known that anything like that was possible in the world that she lived in." I paused, holding my breath.

"Please just-- I did fall in love with you, Blake. That was real." I shook my head. "If there is anything to believe-- it's that." I tell him softly, a tear running down my cheek. I push it off just as quickly. Blake's cold exterior was falling slightly.

"But the girl you loved died. She--" I pressed my lips together. "She was broken one too many times and she couldn't take it-- the pain, the immense guilt. Any of it." I sucked in a big breath, closing my eyes. "That girl," I paused, opening my eyes, "loved you with everything that she had," I choked out in an unsteady breath. I looked into his eyes. "But-- I realized that what I had-- or what I didn't--" I babbled, "You were so much better off without me. You still are. And now you know that." I offered.

"Please. I know that what I am saying right now is probably going in one ear and out with the other, but I want-- I need you to be free of me." I sniffled and my voice broke, "That's all I have ever wanted. Because you were right, Blake," I stood up and walked over to the bars until I was standing right infront of him. I stared at him before looking away. "I take away people's happiness." I knew my eyes dulled a little bit. "I'm a leech."

I glanced up at him, I saw his eyes glaze before he was the one to look away. "I murdered him-- Blake." I pressed my lips together. "And you deserve more than a bitch who is better off alone."

Blake looks over to me, his eyes sad.

"Can you-- can you do me one last favor-- I--I know I don't deserve it-- so don't do it for me," My voice wavered, "Watch out for Garrett-- he's just a kid. Make sure he doesn't give up on his dreams. He wants to be a doctor. Don't let him be stubborn, and help him realize that he can do so much better. Please. Just-- please." I beg. He gives me a small nod.

"And one last thing--" I tell him quietly, I pause a moment, not knowing how to word what I wanted to say. Something that hurt my heart to no end, something that felt like the worst kind of pain; heartbreak. "Find someone who can appreciate you and the amazing person that you are. Find someone who can do what I couldn't. Be happy." I sniffled, "You deserve the world, Blake. You deserve that world." I give him a small and fake smile before I walked back to my bed.

"Goodbye Blake." I whisper. Blake looks at me one last time.

Slowly, never breaking his gaze, he released me. I took a couple steps back, needing the extra distance from him. Being close made it harder. It was hard enough already. I knew one misstep and he'd be pulling me back into his arms. I couldn't cut the act until I was sure he was gone. Blake walked backwards towards my front door. The gaze was filled with anger and hurt, but I knew this is what is best for him.

And then he turned, left, and never came back.

"Goodbye Jenna." He whispers back.