OF THE NIGHT ∘ Seth Gecko

16 | Warming Up

CHAPTER FIFTEEN
WARMING UP

THE LIGHT THAT'S coming from the window in front of me makes my eyes squint as I wake up. My back is turned to the rest of the room and I want to turn around, when I feel something stopping me. Seth's back is centimeters away from mine. The silence around us makes me suspect that we're alone, but the closeness of our bodies makes me freeze for a moment.

It's strange to have him this close to me, but in a good way that gives me a sense of comfort. I spend a few seconds watching his sleeping body rise and fall with each deep breath he takes, before stretching my neck further and carefully leaning up on my elbow. Kate is nowhere in sight, though the bed looks like it was slept in and I know she was here when I woke up last time.

Carefully, I stand up, relieved to see that the movement hasn't woken Seth. That's when I hear a voice outside. It says nothing more than a 'Buenos Dias' to someone who passes by, yet I can easily recognize Kate's voice. It causes me to stand near the bed for almost a minute, going through my options — avoid her or face her.

Finally, I make a quick visit to the bathroom to make myself presentable and quietly get out of the motel room in hopes that Kate is still out there. She's sitting on the short stone fence that's separating the motel from the parking lot and I think twice before walking towards her. The sound of my footsteps draws her attention and she turns around and meets my gaze. She looks slightly scared.

"Hi," I say when I gather the courage to try and break the ice between us. I come to stand next to her and lean against the fence. "Did you get any sleep?"

Kate looks at her hands, but says, "Yeah, I did."

Neither of us says anything for the next few minutes. I tell myself that I'm giving her time to form an apology — or maybe get angry with me again, who knows — but truthfully, I'm also trying to decide how to address our fight. Obviously, Kate was honest about her thoughts and feelings yesterday, even if she was somewhat overreacting.

"I'm sorry, June," the teenager says and glances at me. "I was horrible to you. I know my behavior doesn't have a justification, I just want you to know that I'm not normally like this. I mean... it's been hard without my dad and Scott..." She makes a long pause. "I'm sorry."

Kate both looks and sounds honest and I feel myself softening. It's been a wild ride in the past three weeks and her loss must make it more difficult for her. On top of that, she is still so young and nothing prepared her for such a tragedy followed by such an experience.

"I know," I assure her. "And putting everything aside, what you said are things that crossed your mind at one point or another. I don't want you to let all these emotions and thoughts gather up inside of you until you explode because that's the problem. If something is bothering you at least tell me." She nods. "And we gotta clear things between us because that wasn't the first time you brought up my behavior and what I'm capable of."

"That was me acting like a brat, okay? I don't blame you—"

"You do," I cut through what she was about to say.

The things that she said have been running through my head for almost an entire day now and I honestly do want to talk to her about some of the things she said. Kate stays quiet, letting me talk and I take a deep breath.

"I'm not a cop anymore, but I can't quite get out of that state of mind yet. Of course, I will forget about any laws if Seth or you will be in danger, but unless that happens I don't think I can just go and rob a bank. I don't see myself as some sort of saint that does no wrong, but you're right — I am selfish because I don't want to feel the guilt of committing a crime. It's who I am and I can't change it this easily."