Red vs Blue Season 5: Male OC

Rvb S5 E3 "Baby Steps"

Outside of Blue base
To Church approaching Doc with the Alien baby next to him.

Church: Hey Doc, we've got problems man, I need to call Command.

Doc: ...

Church: Hello? Earth to Doc. I mean, this place, to Doc.

Doc: Don't you wanna say hello to our new friend?

Church: What?

Church looks down at a very small, teal alien.

Baby Alien: ~Hi!~

Church: I don't... I c- I can't, I can't I don't, this is-

Doc: Take your time. This is a big moment.

Baby Alien: ~Who are you!~

Church: I can't deal with this right now.

Baby Alien: ~What?~

Church: Shut up, you're disgusting. Doc, what is Vic's number?

Doc: What for?

Church: For reinforcements. Wait, unless, you've had like, specialized combat training in the last ten minutes.

Doc: Uh, nope.

Church: Then yeah, reinforcements.

Doc: Well I did just change a dirty diaper-

Church: That doesn't count.

Doc: I don't know, it was a real doozy. Number two.

Church: Doc, focus! Vic's number, what is it?

Doc: Come on Church, everybody remembers Vic's number! Didn't he ever teach you the song?

Church: Oh right. Vic's jingle.

Doc: (singing) If you want to talk, don't email. And don't you click click click click, just call me up at five five five, V-I-C-K.

Church: You know it probably would have been more memorable if it rhymed. Or if his name actually ended in a K.

Doc: Oh, music is a great way to learn things. That's how I studied for the MCAT.

Church: You passed the MCAT?

Doc: Nha ha ha hah, not even close. But you should really hear my rendition of the Kelly Clarkson song "Miss Independence." It teaches you all about the lymphatic system. (singing) Doum, d-doum, lymphatic system-"

Church: Hey, shut up I'm on the phone.

Baby Alien: ~This human is really mean.~

Church: And do me a favour, kill that fucking thing, would you?

Radio sounds.

Vic: Hey dude.

Church: Vic! Hey, it's Church.

Vic: This is Vic, at 555-V-I-C-K, doo doodleydoo. I'm not in the cassita right now, so leave your low-down at the ding-dong. Hasta.

Church: Hey Vic, this is Church I need ta-

Vic's Voice Mail: You have reached the voice mail system.

Church: (sigh) Okay okay, come on.

Vic's Voice Mail: To leave a message, just wait for the tone.

Church: I know how to leave a goddamned message.