Chapter 29 - Don't You Know

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Later that afternoon, while walking back to the cabin behind Marty, Jess felt a heaviness pressing on her.  She'd intended to tell Marty she wasn't coming to the cabin anymore, but she'd failed.  The fact was, she cared too much about him to hurt him that badly.  But that meant she'd gone back on her word to Annie.  The mountain of lies she'd already told seemed nothing compared to this, and the guilt was eating her alive.

They reached the cabin, and while Marty put away the fishing pole and went to get a drink of water, Jess refolded the blanket and laid it across the back of one of the chairs, more for something to do.  When he came back into the living room, she looked at him.  His face was somber and more pale than usual, and he seemed tired, his shoulders slumping.  What they'd been through over the last forty-eight hours had taken its toll on him too.

"I gotta go," she said quietly.  "It's getting late and I don't want –."   She sighed unable to finish.  "Well, you know," she said with a shrug, turning to the door.

She heard his footsteps on the pine plank floor boards as he followed her and once outside, he walked beside her.  When they reached the edge of the clearing, she stopped and looked up into his brown eyes.  They seemed old beyond his fifteen years, and filled with a sad resignation.

"Are you sorry you changed your mind?" he asked, and then he swallowed and looked away.  "Because you can, you know, stay away.  I can handle it.  I just lost it for a minute.  I'm okay if you don't want to come back."  He was trying so hard to keep from crying again.  She could see it in his face, and it made her feel even more guilty.

"I'm not sorry I changed my mind, Marty," she replied.  He looked at her questioningly, but she didn't blame him.  Even she could hear the misery in her voice.  "I don't think I could have walked away anyway.  It was hurting me as much as you."

"Then why do you look so sad?" he pleaded, his eyes searching hers. 

"I made a promise to Annie, and I broke it," she said, trying to keep her emotions under control.  "She's like my mom.  I don't want to keep lying to her.  I love her."  She dropped her head, not wanting him to see the tears.  "I don't know what to do," she added miserably, wiping her eyes. 

"I don't know either," Marty said quietly.

There was silence as each of them were lost in their own thoughts, and then Jess lifted her head. 

"I really gotta go.  I'll see you at school tomorrow."

"Okay," he said dispiritedly, and Jess turned, heading into the trees.

Walking slowly, she dreaded facing Annie and having to tell the biggest lie of all.  She wracked her brain, trying to think of some way she could convince Annie to change her mind, but she knew it was useless.  When she reviewed everything Annie had said about why she shouldn't be alone with Marty, she knew Annie would never budge. 

When she let herself into the kitchen, Annie was shelling peas at the little table by the window.  "Hello!" she said cheerily, and stood, wiping her hands on her apron.

"Hi," Jess replied, setting the basket on the counter. 

"Did you have fun outside?" Annie asked, opening the dishcloth in the basket so she could empty it.

"Yes," Jess said, trying to smile convincingly.  Annie stopped what she was doing and looked at her more closely.

"You're still upset about that boy, aren't you?" she asked, her hazel eyes filled with concern.

"Yes," Jess replied, grateful she could at least be truthful about that.

"Come sit with me," Annie said, gently taking her hand and leading her to the table.  When they sat, Annie continued to hold her hand, a mound of pea pods on a sheet of newspaper between them.  

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