What If...

Chap 20

It had been a few days since I got back. I hadn't left my room. I wasnt sure if people even knew that I had returned. Oh well.

Sighing,I got up and dressed. My body wasn't used to sitting around all day. It was something I would have to get used to for a little while,but doesn't mean I had to do it. Looking over at my headband,I sighed,deciding to take it with me but not wear it.

It wasn't long before I was walking up the steps to a house that I had only passed by. Knocking,it was only a minute before the door opened.

"Oh,Mika. I wasn't expecting you." Yukari smiled,moving to let me inside.

"Well,I have a lot more feel time for the time being so I thought I'd check on you."

"That's so nice of you. I was actually getting ready to go get some food. Cravings and all that."

I nodded before she walked off to finish getting ready.

"Soo.." she started once we got to the BBQ place in the village.

"Hmm?"

"Have you heard anything about Itachi? I figure if anyone has,I'd be you."

"I haven't. Lady Tsunade doesn't give me much detail. She said the locations of Naruto's and Sasuke's training are top secret. Only her and the elders know."

"Not even Kakashi? He's their Sensei."

"Nope. Well,if he does,I have no idea about it."

"I hope they come back soon."

"Me too,Yuka,me too."

She started at me.

"What?"

"You called me Yuka."

"I'm sorry if you don't like that. I won't do it again."

"No,no. It's fine. I like it." She smiled.

I chuckled at her as began to eat. Itachi was lucky to have her. I know I wasn't a fan of her at first,but she wasn't so bad. He definitely deserved more than a coward like me.

Kakashi deserved more as well.

I was selfish. He was always worried about me coming home in one piece or alive and it was because I was a coward. I was stupid on missions. I ran in to help my team without thinking of being hurt that I didn't think if what would actually happen to me. I was fearful of dying,of getting people killed. I was so afraid of being weak and making mistakes that it caused me to screw up and be weak anyway.

I didn't deserve to be a ninja,or be with someone like Kakashi.

"Mika? Are you alright? You haven't touch your food and you look like you're about to cry."

"I'm sorry,Yukari. That last mission I was on has just got me thinking about things. I'm fine." I replied before taking a bite.

The afternoon soon faded into early evening as I walked Yukari back home before taking a walk around the village as the sky darkened. I found myself standing on the Hokage monument once I finally pulled out of my head.

"Thank you,Mika." I heard softly before turning back.

"Checking on things? You always did worry about the village,Itachi."

"You know me too well."

"Well enough to know you're just a clone. Save your energy,Ita. Things are fine here."

I heard the clone sigh before pulling me into a hug.

"Before I go,Mika. Please stop. Stop thinking about things. Stop putting yourself down. You don't need to say anything out load for me to know." It pulled away before poking my forehead and disappearing.

"Dammit,Ita." I muttered as a tear fell.

I couldn't stop them after the first one fell. I couldn't hear the sound of footsteps over my sobs.