Secret Torture (Student/Teacher) - COMPLETED

Chapter Twenty Three: Worry

I rushed out of my bedroom and down the stairs, pulling on my coat as I did so. As I passed through the hallway, a voice called out to me.

"Allison?" 

It was my mother. 

I turned around, to see her, and my step dad, Walter, looking at me.

"Yes?" I asked.

"Where are you going?" 

"Babysitting. Remember?" I said, as I zipped up my coat. In truth, I felt bad for lying to her. I really did. But I had no choice.

"It's a school night," Walter said. "You can't be home late."

"I know," I said. "He said he won't be back late. Eleven, twelve - tops."

My mom crossed her arms and frowned at me. "Darling, that is late," she told me.

I sighed. "Well, I can't cancel now! I'm supposed to be there now."

"You can go this once," she said. "But James needs to remember that you're still a child."

I frowned at her. "Mom-"

"You are, Allison. You have homework to do. You need to study. You can't babysit on school nights until midnight, it's crazy. Talk to James and tell him he's going to need to find a new sitter for the weekdays, okay?"

I nodded my head obediently. "Okay," I muttered.

"Alright. Walter's driver will take you, won't he?"

"Yes, I'll call him now," Walter said, before I even had a chance to refuse.

I reluctantly accepted the ride from his driver, and was brought to James' house in no time. The more I lied to my mother, the more guilt consumed me. I hated deceiving everyone around me. But every time I was around James, it seemed worth it. 

Yet even I was deceiving James. For a whole week I've been living with the constant fear that Ryan could and probably would show up at any given time and expose us. James had no idea. Of all people, I couldn't lie to James. This concerned him as much as it did me. He had a right to know. I was going to tell him. I was going to tell him tonight.

I knocked three times on James' door and waited. Within seconds, the door opened. James looked at me and smiled slightly as he held it open for me. I stepped inside, and heard the door close behind me. 

He hugged me from behind, his face bending down to kiss my neck, his hands tracing over my waist.

"Where's Leo?" I asked, ignoring the fluttering feeling overwhelming my body.

He laughed. "Allison, you don't think I asked you over to actually babysit, do you?"

I smiled, turning around to face him. "No," I said. "I just wanted to say hi."

"He's in bed," he said. "Sorry."

"That's okay," I said. "You're here, that's all that really matters."

"Exactly," he grinned, kissing me - this time for real, his mouth on mine. It was only then that I realized it. I could taste the whiskey in his kiss, feel the carelessness in his touch and the sway in his step as he led me towards the kitchen, where multiple bottles lay on the table, freshly emptied. 

"James, are you… drunk?"

He shrugged a little. "I had a few drinks. I wouldn't call it drunk," he said. 

I wasn't so convinced.

"Do you want one?" he asked.

I shook my head. "No, it's okay."

He tugged me, pulling me by the hand closer to him. "You are my everything, you know that?" 

I couldn't take him seriously when he was like that. His words were nothing. He wouldn't even remember this.

He kissed me again. It was rough and unfeeling, forced and cold. I shook my body free from his grasp and stepped away from him. 

Within seconds he was holding me again.

"What is it? What's wrong?" he slurred, watching me with tired eyes.

"Nothing," I said. 

"You said you had to tell me something… well, what is it?"

I had intended to tell him about Ryan - that he knew about us - but now, that didn't seem possible. Not like this,

"It's nothing, James," I told him. 

He stared at me, with something more than mild agitation growing in his eyes.

"James, why are you doing this? Why are you drunk?" I asked, my hands reaching for his.

He snapped them away from me. "I'm not-"

"Stop lying to me. I'm not an idiot."

He walked away from me, leaning against the far counter. At first, I thought he was just angry - unwilling to deal with me right now… But then I noticed his shoulders were shaking. He brought his hands up to his face and leaned down. It was completely silent. He wasn't making a sound. I couldn't even hear him breathing. But I knew.

Slowly, I walked towards him, scared he would snap away from me again. I gently rested a hand on his arm. 

"James," I whispered. 

He suddenly took my face in his hands and looked down at me, his bloodshot eyes intent on mine.

"Not you. Please. Not you."

I was confused, and worried. "James, what are you talking about?"

"I'm losing everyone around me. I can't lose you."

"James, you're not losing me," I reassured him. "I'm - I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

It wasn't enough. He shut his eyes and collapsed into me. I wrapped my arms around him and held him close, trying to calm him down, trying to make sense of all of this.

"She wants Leo," he mumbled into my shoulder. "She wants sole custody. And she's going to get it."

I held him even tighter. "She won't," I said, adamant. "You're his father."

"You don't… You don't know her… Erica's going to take him away from me. I know she is."

"Don't talk like that," I said. 

He stood upright, running his hands through his hair. "I'm so sorry. I need you. I need him. I don't know what to do."

"You have me. You have him. You don't need to worry-"

"It's only a matter of time. Only a matter of time until she steals him away - until someone finds out about us."

I felt another pang of guilt in the pit of my stomach. I couldn't tell him now. He couldn't handle knowing about Ryan. Not yet.

"Come on, come inside, let's just sit and… And I'll get you a glass of water. And food. You need to sober up. You'll feel much better with something other than Jameson whiskey inside you. You don't need this right now. There's no point worrying over something that probably won't happen."

James slowly nodded his head. "Yeah," he muttered. "Yeah, okay."

He wandered off towards the living room. I watched him go, feeling much more uneasy than I had before.