When the Lights Go Out {complete first draft}

Day Two: The Swim Meet

Swimming meets are on Fridays…

                  For the second time today – how ironic, considering how many times it has been today – I’ve been relived, and thankful, to the chlorine filled pool at school. Sure, Veronica Russell was here, trying to compete against me, but that didn’t matter. I was better than Veronica, and she knew it. I didn’t want to sound mean, but I had been swimming for years, and cared more about it. Heck, I basically died twice, and was still showing up to practice.

                  Someone jumped into the water for a practice run, and suddenly I was pulled back to the early hours of this morning when I pushed Vincent into the swimming pool. He’d been so surprised, but he was drunk, and an idiot for sticking up for Matthew. They shouldn’t have even been friends. Someone nudged me, bringing me back to the present.

                  “What?”

                  “People are betting on you, you know,” a teammate, Philip said, wrapping his towel around himself to cover his speedo’s.

                  “Huh?”

                  “People on our team, well, all but you and Ronnie. We’re seeing who wins.”

                  I raised my eyebrows. “What?”

                  “In the meet. The girl’s race. We want to know who’s going to get the scouts attention.”

                  I flicked my hair over my shoulder. “Well, isn’t it obvious?”

                  “Yes. You two are going to fight it out.”

                  “Veronica never even comes close.”

                  “No,” Phillip said slowly, water dripping from his dark hair, “Not yet anyway. But you might crack out on the water, you know, Marisol. I heard a scout is coming to look for a new female swimmer to make the college team next year. Coach has her eye on you and Veronica, and one of you to take the scholarship. She pulled a few strings, only because she was so popular in her own day.”

                  “I know what you’re trying to do,” I narrowed my eyes accusingly. “You’re trying to distract me. You’re trying to make me conscious of the crowd. Do you want Veronica to win, have you bet on her?”

                  “I’m not telling you whom I bet on. That’s bad luck.”

                  “Then don’t bother trying to distract me.”

                  “It was a good try though,” Phillip said, grabbing a water bottle from his Nike sports bag. “I do try sometimes, only for my own entertainment. You’ve got to learn to ignore it, to channel nothing but your own mind. Ignore the crowds, and their screaming, and the look on your family’s face when you get your final time, whatever the time. Think about Coach, flirting with the scout as she talks about you to him.”

                  “Philip,” I groaned. “You really have got to stop trying to distract me, and get into my head.”

                  “I try,” he smirked, “although not too hard, I am betting on you after all.”

                  I gulped, hard, as I watched him walk away. Although I was confident that he wasn’t going to throw me off, I was going to win this; it still annoyed me that people were betting on me. But that didn’t matter – I was already dead, I wasn’t going to win this, even if I did come first. Veronica was going to get my swimming scholarship, she was going to take my place in the meets, and she was going to rule the pool. There was nothing I could do about it. In my world, whatever world I was in right now, I was still in the lead. But I was in limbo, and the world was obviously moving forward without me. I was the only thing left behind. And in everyone else’s world, I wasn’t here, I wasn’t going to college, or going to get married, or have children.

                  Tears welled up in my eyes. I tried telling myself not to cry, but I couldn’t help it. It had finally hit me. I was going to live this day forever, and no one could do anything about stopping it. Philip trying to throw me off didn’t matter anymore, I’d thrown myself off, I’d finally admitted that today wasn’t going to end – tomorrow was never coming. My life is in the present, it’s only what it is now, and I’ll never move forward – no matter how hard I will it too.

                  If I swam today, I’d be hurting myself. If I won, if I spoke to my coach and agreed to a college, then I’d realise that I’d have to do this, I’d have to swim, on this Friday, for the rest of my life.

                  “Marisol!”

                  I whipped my head around to see Veronica, chucking her towel next to her Nike bag. “What?”

                  “We’re up next,” she said, a sly smile on her face. I narrowed my eyes, watching her carefully. She was sly, in and out of the pool. She wasn’t going to throw me off. Philip had already tried, and no one was going to make me fall for it now.

                  “And?” I replied.

                  “And, I hope you do well.” she said.

                  I turned around, not dignifying her with an answer. She sniggered behind me. Suddenly, anger boiled up inside me. Why did she deserve this? If there were a God out there, why was I stuck in this hell when she would go on and live my life? I’d always worked harder than her in the pool. I cared for this more. Why did this happen to me? Why couldn’t I go on enjoying my life? Everyone else was getting on with theirs.

                  “I’ll see you, Veronica,” I said bitterly, “in the pool.”