When the Lights Go Out {complete first draft}

Preface

There is a picture I have stuck in the middle of a collage I have on my wall. By the looks of it, I was about ten, and while my mother and sister were unwrapping Christmas presents, I was staring straight at the camera. Or rather - the person taking the picture. 

The only problem is, I can't for the life of me remember who took that photograph. I know it wasn't my father for two reasons: one was that he wouldn't have driven me three hundred miles to my mother's on Christmas day but rather a few days before, so it wasn't him. The second was that there is a glass of wine on an end table in the photograph and my father hadn't touch wine. It wouldn't be a tripod with self-timer, either, because my mother hasn't touched alcohol in twenty years and my sister was only seven. It wasn't like I was too young to remember who took the photograph; I was definitely old enough to remember. 

But it's amazing how in just a few years, memories can fade out, they can become distorted, or just disappear altogether. Memories burden us, they are treasures to us, and they are demons. Memories are the result of decisions - of the things we've done and of the paths we chose. But if we had ever done something one split second later or gone with the gut instinct that one time we knew we should have, everything would have changed. 

Chaos. 

That's the word for it. 

The chaos theory is fascinating, and although we shouldn't dwell on the past, isn't it great to imagine how different our lives would be if we hadn't missed the bus that one time, or if we didn't skip that one class? 

Like Coldplay once said, "Every step that we take could be our biggest mistake." But then, it could also be the best thing that ever happens to us. We never know. That's both the beauty, and the cruelty of it all - of life itself. 

Maybe, if I had made my sister a cup of tea that day, or had taken my car instead of the bus, I'd still be here. 

I still have all my memories now. All but the one of who took that picture. And now I'll never be able to ask. 

But then, that's life, right?