misfits · calum hood

day twenty-two

author's note before the chapter because im feeling quirky

but omg ok how do i word this properly
so basically; yes i realize that the whole dead girlfriend/replacement thing is like 7:15 but omg i didnt copy 7:15 if thats what u think bc seriously paige is like my favorite writer and i respect her very much and i would never copy her !!, yes i understand thAt the last chapter was kinda similiar but youll see that calum is actually quite different from ashton in this chapter so ya bc idk guys im not feelin ashton rn

ps i ship mani~~~~~~

theres literally vines of me with mani written on my forehead in lipstick nbd

OH MY GOD SORRY FOR THAT,,,, uM so here's the chapter & its formatted a lil differently and youll all be surprised ;---)

x x x

day twenty-two - regrets

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| CALUM'S POV |

I could not sleep.

The clock read four a.m. and I was awake as I had been five hours ago. I couldn't even try to sleep; every time I tried to close my eyes scenes replayed in my head and it made my stomach hurt and my head throb.

I fucking screwed up. I messed up so bad. And I don't know what to do, I ruined everything. I have never hated myself more than I hate myself now.

She was right. So, so right. I was such an asshole to her, and she fucking loved me. And all I did was complain about my dead girlfriend.

Sure, I missed her. I missed her, so much. But she was gone and maybe I hadn't realized that yet. And I shouldn't of treated Vicky the way I had if I still loved her. I should of just stayed cautious since I knew that I was still vulnerable. But of course, I let her in and I let her figure me out and I ler her fall in love with me and make her believe that I loved her and of course I did, but I just couldn't get over my fucking dead girlfriend.

And I had completely blew my chance at everything, and I felt like my whole world is falling apart. I guess I deserved it, for the way I treated her. I couldn't even imagine how she was feeling right now.

Seeing her breakdown like she did in front of me hurt. What hurt even more was that I was the cause.

My head hurt even more after thinking over these things for the millionth time. So finally, I shut my eyes and after some time, I found sleep.

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I dreamt about her. It was supposed to be a good dream to most; I thought of it as a nightmare considering the timing.

In the dream, everything was fine again. We were back to our old selves, talking and laughing and squeezing pinkies. And then we were kissing in the hallway again and then she was running away, turning around and telling me to follow her. Her hair fell in front of her face and she brushed it away quickly, giving me a view of her eyes that gleamed while she smiled at me. Maybe it was just a dream but she seemed so real and she was so beautiful and I couldn't get her out of my mind. It was driving me insane.

Jimmy was awake as well. He was originally Michael's roommate but obviously, there were problems with that. Then, Michael was my roommate and then there were problems with that, so now they had moved Jimmy into my room.

Last night he knew something was wrong but I didn't care to explain since I felt so terrible and I was on the verge of crying. So he let me be as I crumpled onto my bed and eventually, cried.

"Good morning," Jimmy said, getting up and looking around for his shoes. "Morning," I replied, not bothering to add the 'good' because it didn't seem to fit the situation right.

"So," He started, "What's your deal, kid?"

I sighed, rubbing my hand against my temple. I really didn't feel like explaining, but I guessed I would have to because Jimmy would make me one way or another. I mean, I doubt he could have given me advice in any way at all, but who knows? I had to give him a chance.

So I told him everything. Every single detail about the night before, including reasons of why and how and screwed up, and going into great detail of how much I hated myself. He listened, sitting down on his bed and rubbing his hand over his chin every once in a while.

Jimmy stayed silent for a moment, then spoke. "And everyone always thought that I'm the asshole."

I threw my pillow at him, as he threw his hands up in surrender. "I'm sorry, kidding! I can't go, like, three minutes without being sarcastic!"

I just rolled my eyes and waited to see if he had anything else to say. After awhile, he did, and I was hoping it was some kind of advice and not another sarcastic comment.

"Yeah, I agree, you messed up; pretty bad, actually." Pause while I scowled. "Don't look at me like that, you know you screwed up, dude. But listen, it's up to you to fix this. You have to prove to her that you fuckin' love her and would do anything for her and that she's your one and only and that you're not replacing her for some dead girl, alright?"

I nodded, as he continued. ". . .I mean, you are over your girlfriend - Isabela, is it - aren't you?"

I chewed on my lip, uncertain for a minute. Then I nodded again. "Yeah. I think."

"No," Jimmy interjected. "You don't think. You know." I didn't answer that.

"Well, here's a question. Say Isabela magically comes back from the dead and appears in the hospital and you have a choice between her and Vicky. Who would you choose?" I still didn't answer.

"Okay, so you obviously don't know. Yeah, you're gonna prove to Vicky that you love her, but you have to make sure that you're completely over Is, alright? It's probably gonna take sone time - maybe a lot of time - but you'll get there at some point and when you do, then you win her over."

"Okay," I said, still a little unsure. "But how?"

"Dude, I don't know. Do whatever feels right. Write her a song or something. Don't girls love that kind of stuff?" Jimmy asked.

"I've already written her like tons of songs," I said, looking at the ground. Jimmy smiled, clapping his hands together.

It was true. I had written her some songs. A lot came to my mind when I was with her.

"See, there you go! Already have a head start."

I smiled half-heartedly. I checked the clock and it was already seven-thirty meaning people would just be getting up. And soon enough, people were walking past the door to the room that was cracked open slightly, just enough to identify who the person was. Not too much later, I saw Vicky and Stephanie walk by. Steph was ahead, clutching Vicky's hand in a reassurring way. They never seemed to care if they broke rules. Vicky looked like she hadn't slept and I guessed she hadn't. It made me upset that I was the reason for that so I turned away quickly and rubbed at my eyes.

"Well, we gotta go to breakfast," Jimmy said, standing up from his spot on the bed. I stayed put.

"I'm taking a sick day," I announced, getting back under the blankets. Jimmy shrugged, as if he had figured this. He gave me a wave as he walked out and shut the door behind him.

Everything still hurt. I couldn't believe how bad I had messed up; I never meant to causs this much pain. Hell, I never wanted to be in this much pain. Maybe I shouldn't be the one saying that, but seeing the girl I loved so much in pain hurt a lot.

God, and I thought I couldn't hate myself more than when I stepped foot into this damn hospital.

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@calum5sos get ur shit together

sorry this sucks and probs has a lot of mistakes give me a break its like 2 FUCKIN AM IM STAYING UP FOR U GUYS TO WRITE THIS DAMN CHAPTER CAUSE I LOVE U GUYS SO MUCH DAMMIT