July, 23rd, 2015.
He doesn’t love you, the same haunting voice shouted inside her mind, why would he? You’re just a burden; you’re nothing more but a burden.
“STOP!” She screamed at the top of her lungs, shutting that annoying, torturing voice up, preventing it from hissing and shouting in her head and driving her insane. But, she thought to herself, I am already insane; what’s the difference?
Stop fooling yourself, the hissing continued, you know he doesn’t love you. You know you’re a very heavy burden above his shoulders that he’s forced to carry around out of pity. You know he only pities you, nothing more.
Her hands flew up and covered her ears as if blocking the voice, though she knew that the voice didn’t belong to someone shouting into her ears, it was an internal voice created from her damaged brain; it originated inside her mind, inside her head, eating away the remaining of her brain cells. Tears started making their ways down her cheeks, moistening them by the second, and the temperature of the bathroom she was currently in seemed to rise a hundred degrees out of a sudden.
Her sobs could be sensed as sobs out of pure agony and torture. In her head, that voice kept convincing her that he didn’t love her, that she was just a burden, that she was nothing but a heavy burden to him. As she recognized that sobbing and crying won’t lead to anything, she started screaming at the top of her lungs that the neighbors could hear her cries. It seemed like she would never stop screaming until she fell asleep, which happened quite a lot lately.
What have I done to deserve this? She asked herself, still screaming. What have I sinned? Why can’t I have a normal life just like everyone around me? Why do I have to be a burden?
The hissing stopped and the voice that was once shouting suddenly came to silence. The voice, or the black-thoughts of hers, knew they have finally convinced her of such thought; that she was a burden, that he didn’t love her. She has lived fifteen years of her life trying to shut that voice up, forcing it out of her mind. But that voice, after fifteen years of failing to invade and control her, finally did succeed, persuading her of such terrible thoughts.
The worst part about that voice’s victory is that no matter how many times he’ll tell her that he loved her, she won’t believe him anymore, she’ll stay conceived that he’s lying because that voice succeeded in convincing her after all. No matter how many times he’ll smile at her his sweet smile and hold her tight while they were asleep, she’ll lie on the same bed, wide awake and thinking about how much of a burden she is.
She uncovered her ears and placed both of her hands on the countertop, her eyes darting up and settling above her reflection in the mirror above the sink. Both her eyes widened in shock at what they saw; her ink-black hair was frizzy as usual and tangled in uncountable knots, her lips were trembling crazily and were so pale and almost bluish, her eyes were bloodshot from crying daily in a regular habit, and her shoulders were bent to the forward due to the weakness of her fragile and thin body.
It was her usual look for about a year and a half now, but she never got used to it. Sweet, beautiful Evangeline, however did such fair beauty turn to such weak and horrendous look? She was never that extremely beautiful girl in town who got all the boys standing in lines waiting for her approval, no, she was beautiful in her own way; her soul was beautiful, her mind was beautiful, her body was beautiful, her spoken words were beautiful, her everything was beautiful, not only her looks. But that all are now past tense.
She was your average girl, but she was special in his eyes at least. Everyone knew how she used to look and how she looked after, and none ever got accustomed to her change. It was like some kind of demon invaded her body and turned her upside down.
In the image the mirror reflected, she saw a pair of scissors lying on the marble countertop just inches away from where her right hand rested. A moment had passed, and she was still staring curiously at the pair, remembering the last time she had held one; it was a horrible night.
Absentmindedly, her hands reached for the pair and grabbed them. She stared at them for a minute; horrible images of blood staining the metallic gadget forcing their way to her messed-up mind. She knew her mind was playing tricks on her as usual, but this time, she hadn’t even tried to stop it.
A door slammed shut from outside the bathroom, and she knew exactly what that meant; he had arrived from his part-time job. She panicked. What will I do now? She thought to herself, I am a burden, I am a heavy burden.
Giving the pair of scissors one last glance, she decided on doing something she has been attempting on doing lately. Sighing, she breathed a faint ‘I love you’ in her whispery and weak voice. The statement was directed to all members of her family, but mostly, to him.
Suddenly, she felt a burning pain in the pit of her abdomen and her knees weakened, not able to carry her anymore. She hissed and let out a whimper, able neither to take the pain nor to catch her breath. Looking down, she gasped when she saw the white fabric of the dress he had bought her for their anniversary soaked in red colour above her abdomen. This red stain wasn’t any ordinary stain; it was blood.
So, first chapter of Evangeline is up. I’m really excited for this story. If anyone liked the chapter, would you please vote\comment and tell me what you thought of it?
Besides, just for clarification, the events of the story will take place gradually from 2013 till 2018 or something. The chapters will be named as the dates so that everyone could know when the events are taking place.
Love you,
-Nadine
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Evangeline || H.S.
Romance"He wrote about her for over a year: his drafts and notes and the scattered pages on the floor of his cubicle contained nothing but the mere mention of her, and how, through the complicated love she offered him, they were both hurting in aloud silen...
