Evangeline || H.S.

August, 5th, 2014

Songs of the chapter:

You - The Pretty Reckless
I'm a Mess - Ed Sheeran
Make It Without You - Andrew Belle

Harry-

'I never hated her; through the ups and downs, the laughter and the cries, the giggles and the screams, the grins and the tears; I never once hated her. I won't deny the feeling of constant regret which sometimes nagged at me. Sometimes I regretted ever knowing her; I regretted falling for all her webs and thorns; I regretted not leaving; I regretted holding on for so long and the fact that I will definitely hold on for as long as she asks me to do so, but I never ever hated her; I never hated our love, and what it has created.'

"Are you ready to go see uncle Niall? Are you excited?" I spoke over towards Ray, who was squirming under my grip as I tried to dress her up in the onesie that Lilly had bought her.

It was one of those pink onesies which had rosey polka dots plastered all over it. She had her lips pouted in what seemed to be misery as she tried getting rid of my wandering hands. Once I was done with buttoning her onesie and retreted my hands, she held both her feet in her hands and kept on letting out incoherent statements which seemed inhumane. I took a step backwards from the kitchen countertop and stared at the little creature in amusement, watching with both my arms folded over my chest as she squirmed in her own place, giggling to herself for moments but frowning at others. It was incredibly confusing; trying to guess what was inside her mind, but I decided on believing that she couldn't properly think yet. And as an explanation, she did those incoherent movements and stupid noises. I wished things we as simple as trying to find out what Ray was doing, but life wasn't a go-with-the-flow type of ride.

"Are you gonna take - um - Ray with you?" I jumped when I first heard her voice, looking up to be greeted by her corrupted sight. She had dark circles under her eyes, and her frizzy hair was framing her face like a black halo. All the color in her cheeks and lips was replaced with paleness, and the once glinting, dark eyes of hers were dull and lifeleslly blunt. It took me a few seconds to find the words in order to tell her, and in those moments of loss, I felt the distress of the world bottle up inside of me.

"Yeah, I think she'll need a little bit of sun." I stuttered out towards her. She looked me straight in the eyes for a couple of seconds, and in those seconds, I felt like staring at a ghost; staring straight through it with no emotions found in the way whatsoever. She was absurdly lifeless to the point which sickened me.

"That's - that's just... great." She looked at the ground, looking at it while fumbling with her thumbs. "I'll go sleep. Have fun at the dinner."

I watched her bent back as she glided on the floor towards her bedroom, darkness surrounding her every inch. I can't even call it 'our' bedroom anymore since I don't sleep with her anymore. I sleep on the couch as a daily basis due to her often screams by night in her sleep. I reached the point where I couldn't sleep by her side anymore, and she reached the level where she told me she didn't feel comfortable around me by night. It was getting worse; I could feel it. I just cannot believe it all until now. Wherever she sat or walked it seemed like she was sucking the happiness and light out of her surroundings. It was sickening to watch as she sunk in her world of misery and everlasting hallucinations, and it was even more sickening to watch as she cried whenever she saw Ray or held her. As she grew distant with me, she distanced away from her daughter too. It tore every fiber of my body, cyt the veins connecting my heart to my body. It killed me, but I was dying without even knowing.

-

"So, how's Evangeline and your little sunshine, Ray?" I thought about it. It was probably wise of me to correct the lady and tell her my sunshines Evangeline and Ray, but that would've been said in the past. Now, is Evangeline my sunshine still? Is she even mine at all?