Zah (Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux Fanfic)

Chapter 50

"Sure, let's do it. What do you want to talk about?" He chuckled.

"Oh I don't know, what's been going on in your life?"

"What's been going on in yours? What happened to your mom back there? I saw some guy on my way in holding a bloody nose so..."

"Oh, that guy. He's just my dad. Apparently, I was a mistake. I was never meant to be born and thanks to me my mother had to throw away her dreams and settle for that." She smiled sadly and nodded. "That Tom guy isn't too bad though. He's the one who gave my dad a bloody nose."

"Really? My uncle Tommy? The guy wouldn't hurt a fly! You're kidding me right?"

"Nope. Maybe this is another chance my mother has for happiness. Hopefully one I won't mess up by existing." She sat next to him and let him hug her without saying a word for a few moments.

"You make your mother happy Zay. I bet the moment she saw your cute widdle face she realised that you were going to be great someday. Besides, if you weren't born I'd probably have killed myself or eventually died alone and single-"

"So what you're saying is you'd die alone because I wasn't here to marry you? From general observations, of course." She tsked and folded get arms, feigning disapproval.

"You should be ashamed of yourself Isaiah. I would never insinuate such a thing. But eh, you can think of it however you want. The fact remains that I wouldn't be so happy without you. I mean my mother is getting help, my dad is in jail... things aren't as bad. Too bad I still tried to do the deed though."

"Why did you try to do that to yourself though? You were getting better, I was getting better... you know my sister killed herself and I'm still not fully over it. Why?!"

"I'm sorry about that. I just wasn't thinking straight. Uh... I went to see my brother who is in jail. I just... The boy... he's gone mad Zay. Prison has driven my brother mad." He thought back to when she had told him about her brother while they were drunk and nodded, making a mental note to talk to Nathan about giving her alcohol.

"What did he do to get in there?"

"Killed all the boys that raped me. He just went into their houses one by one and... He said he would talk to each of them and come back home in time for dinner. He promised me he wouldn't do anything stupid. He killed them all and ran. The authorities found him easily, being a rookie in serial killing and all and he landed in some serious trouble. My dad disowned him and he wouldn't even let me go to the court trial. I couldn't mention his name before getting flogged so naturally I was forced to forget about him. This was the first time I saw him in five years. He's insane Zay. He's insane. And I wanted to hug him so badly, to tell him he would wake up and we would be up in a tree about to pelt some random person with nuts... I wanted to hold him so badly..."

"I'm sorry Zah. I can't say anything else but sorry." She shrugged it off.

"I know. So yeah. That's what did it. Triggered everything I had been suppressing in the darkest corners of my mind." She kept quiet and let him play with her hair. Somehow they had changed their position and she had her head on his lap. She sighed long and hard, realising that she was going to have to tell him about her plan sooner or later. "I'm leaving Zay." He frowned.

"Already? But it's just-"

"Not here. I'm leaving New York for a little while. Maybe forever. I don't know. I just need to get out and-"

"WHAT?!" She bolted up and winced, regretting her choice. He would've found out either way though. Doing it face to face was way better than texting him when she got to her destination.

"I can't stay anymore. I just can't. New York is full of too many bad memories. I mean, you and the gang are good but... the rest... I just need some time away from here." He took in a sharp breath.

"How long are we talking here? We still need to talk about... this thing we have you know?" She shook her head.

"A few years. And before you say a word Zay, I'm not interested in having a long distance relationship with you. It's not that I don't... You know but I saw how quickly you forgot about Vanessa and I just can't go through that kind of thing. Movies might beg to differ but in reality, it never works out. I can't do that to you. Trust me. It's better that way."

"Zah, you really think I wouldn't go through that kind of thing just to be with you? You want to know why I dropped Vanessa so quickly? I could have spent years pining over her and never accepting that she was with someone else. I was so committed to loving her that it took me longer than it should have to see that she wasn't into me anymore. You helped me get over her Zah. I forgot her because I remembered you. I think about you so often it drives me crazy, as stupid as that may sound."

"I know you think you 'love' me or whatever'. I heard you tell the guys and you said it before you left. I need you to know that you don't. You cannot, no, will not love me. I won't let you do this to yourself." He rolled his eyes.

"You can't tell me what to feel Zah. You should know that."

"But I can try. I helped you with Vanessa. I'm trying to help you now. Don't fall for me. Don't fall for me like I'm falling for you." He gaped at her.

"What was that?"

"Did I say that out loud? Y-you know I didn't mean it right?" He chuckled.

"You're scared for me and my awesomeness. I get it. But why do you want to run from New York so fast? Where are you planning on going?"

"I can't tell you. You might follow me. We need to keep away from each other till... I don't know."

"Wh... but can we-"

"No."

"But you didn't even let me-"

"No. I'm serious dude. I'm not good for you Zay. I'm making things worse and I... You were so happy before you met me and..." He held her hand and stared at her.

"You're the only one who noticed the truth Zah. Zay isn't always a, funny, happy-go-lucky guy. Life isn't that nice to anyone. You're the only one I can show my good side and my bad side and I'm grateful for it. Thank you. I just... don't want you to leave."

"Please let me go Zay. I can't stay anymore. I'll come back one day, but while I'm gone... You can date any girl you want. I won't stop you. Not that I could... you're free to do whatever you like." She swallowed and stared at their hands before pulling away and standing up. "It's difficult for me, it's difficult for you, but it has to be done."

"I'm not ready to let go of you yet Zah."

"I'm sorry... but you're going to have to try."

This book is so sad. Why am I like this?! There's gonna be an epilogue then I'm done with it =)