Mrs. Holmes [Book III]

Fears {Susanna}

Well I'm obviously not going to sleep until I talk to Sherlock about this.

I open my eyes and groan, wishing I could just sleep. But I can't with so much on my mind. Groaning, I reach out and shake Sherlock's arm, "Darling."

I hear him inhale as he shifts, "Yes, Love? Do you need something?"

"I need to talk to you. About what Mycroft told us earlier."

"What is there to talk about? You are in danger and I am going to determine who is threatening you before they strike."

"No, Sherlock. We really do need to talk. You don't know what you've gotten into." At this he presses against my frame, gathering me in his arms.

"I have encountered thousands of criminals and have confronted many psychopaths. I can safely say that I am not going in blind."

"You're not going in blind, but you haven't dealt with the people my Dad has. His enemies are commonly high profile operatives or ringleaders. They have money, people, and resources, but unlike most of the psychopaths and geniuses you take on, these people are experts at flying under the radar. They don't require an audience. They don't care."

"So?"

"Sherlock, these people aren't going to play games with you or give you clever puzzles. They don't care if you're a genius- they're not Moriarty, Eurus or Magnussen. It's all business to them, and even if you catch them, they have legal support."

"Susanna-"

"Remember Brent, Sherlock?"

"How could I not?"

"He wasn't there to play games with you. He had a plan and was sticking to it. Brent was there to enact vengeance and gain recognition before killing himself. But other than that, he didn't really care you were a genius detective coming to rescue me. I was the prime target. You weren't the one he was choking to death, Sherlock. Even if he hadn't slit my throat, I would have succumbed eventually or the continuous tension would have snapped my vertebrae. He wanted me dead," I sigh, "And he got pretty close-"

"Susanna, don't." I know that what Brent did to me is a sensitive topic, but I can't stop talking.

"Sherlock, I know something will happen to my family. Whether it's my Dad or my brothers or even me, the suspect will strike. Brent didn't kill me but I knew he'd do something," My hand finds my scar, "I didn't even think I'd survive the slit. I just knew I needed to help you take Brent down before he hurt someone else. And he left me with this scar-"

"Enough, Susanna!" Sherlock demands, twisting so that he's over me, "I won't let you get hurt again. First it was Brent, then Jerome, who might as well have been Moriarty. You were incredibly lucky the past two times and that luck may not hold out for a third." His gray blue eyes bore into mine.

"Even if you won't let me get hurt, that doesn't mean I won't, Sherlock," His hands clench, taking tight fistfuls of my pillows and the covers, and his frame starts tremoring, "Sherlock?"

"You don't want me to protect you, do you?!" He grits out and lifts off of me, assuming a kneeling position beside me.

"Sherlock, where did that come from?" The covers and the baby make it a struggle for me to sit up and look at him directly, but with a little effort I'm upright. I take in his expression and exhale. This has been eating him for a while. He's still shaking and looks more melancholy and upset than I've seen him in ages. His eyes, though. They're full of worry and fear. Anxiety.

I reach out for his hand and run my fingers over his wedding band, "Sherlock, what's going on? This isn't coming out of no where."

Sherlock drops his gaze, "I haven't been able to protect you before. Why should I be able to now?" His voice lowers to a whisper, "Ultimately, I didn't save you from Brent. I barely revived you when Jerome threw you into that pool. Both times you got hurt despite my efforts to safeguard you. If I can't keep you safe.., how can I protect our little one? It doesn't matter what I do..." I sense his direction and hum, cupping his face with one hand.

"Sherlock, I may not be afraid of death or injury. I've coped with loss. But that doesn't mean I'm ready to die. And that doesn't mean that I don't want or appreciate your efforts to keep me and our baby safe," I soothe. He leans into my hand and I tousle his curls a bit, "You try your best and that's all I ask for. Everything else is out of your hands- it's not your fault.". Sherlock doesn't respond verbally but his body language replies for him. He stays silent for a few minutes before raising his eyes to meet mine.

"Over a year of marriage and I still don't fully understand why you married me."

"Because I Love You, Sherlock. We're as stuck together as you and John are," He smiles softly, "But, Sherlock, back to what I was saying... Just please be careful hunting whomever is threatening the family?"

Sherlock nods slowly and turns his head, kissing my palm, "I'll exercise greater caution solving this case."

"Good, that's all I wanted to hear."

Sherlock gives me a look, "Seriously? You could have just-"

"Mood Swing, sorry. And I didn't expect you to react so much."

"I see."

The baby kicks pretty hard and I gasp a little, hand flying to my stomach, "Whoa."

"We must have excited them." Sherlock muses.

"In any case, I won't be able to sleep until they calm down," His eyes brighten with an idea. I sigh and almost giggle, "Alright, go ahead." He goes for his night stand and retrieves the mini doppler and gel.

While he presses the tiny wand to my distended belly to listen to the baby's heartbeat, I lean back on the pillows and try to calm my mind again. That is not how I thought that conversation would go. But I think it's what we both needed.

Thank you for reading! Shout out to mmkn2005!