scar || mika reyes & ara galang

v

Ara's POV

Until now, I had no clue what was going on with Bang. When I got home yesterday night, she wasn't there yet.

She didn't arrive for a long time the next day. In fact, I got tired of waiting and went to bed at about 1 in the morning. At dahil sa mga pangyayari, lalong hindi ako nakatulog.

I had the urge to call her to come home, but it's not like she would answer.

I lied in bed for what seemed like hours until I heard the front door creak open. Hindi ako tumayo, hindi ako gumalaw; nanatili lang ako sa kama, na nakatitig sa pader.

Soon, the bedroom door opened, and I saw Bang with her hair messy and her eyes puffy. She had the nearly same clothes on from yesterday morning, just in a different shirt.

Nakatitig lang siya sa akin.

Naramdaman ko sa mga mata niya ang galit at lungkot na nakahalo sa puso niya.

She just glared at me, tension filling the air. What does she want me to say? Sorry? For doing what?

"Matulog ka na, baby." I broke the silence. Mag-away nalang ulit tayo sa umaga, pagod na ako.

"Anong 'baby'? Excuse me, may pangalan ako." She rolled her eyes at me.

Looks like the flowers didn't work.

"Bang, anong nangyayari?" She didn't even try to answer my question, she just walked straight out of bedroom door.

I began to get frustrated, and I followed right behind her, holding her shoulder. I noticed her smell; she smelled slightly like liquor, but I wasn't sure.

"Ano?! Huhulaan ko pa?" I swear, parang teleserye ito.

"KASI VIC, SABIHIN MO SA AKIN."

Confused out of my mind, I just stared at her with my eyebrows together

"Ang ano?!"

"ANG TOTOO."

Her shoulders were rising and falling from her heavy breathing. She looked like a dragon about to breathe fire on me.

"Bang, pagod ka lang. Kung ano man yun, sorry, pero maaga ka pa bukas." I turned around and walked back to the bedroom. Sometimes she gets mood swings, and I was used to it.

"Mahal mo pa ba si Mika?"

I turned back around to look at her. Is that what this is about?

"Bang, alam—"

"Sagutin mo ang tanong ko. Sabihin mo sa akin ang totoo." Tears were beginning to fall from her eyes, but my lips couldn't seem to open.

"VIC ANG DALI LANG, SABIHIN MO LANG NA HINDI MO NA MAHAL SI MIKA." Her eyes were more distressed than angry now.

I opened my mouth to speak, when Bang made a gagging noise. Her eyes widened and she covered her mouth, running to the bathroom.

Naka-inom siya.

I followed her to the bathroom, and she didn't make it to the toilet.  Nasuka siya sa sahig ng banyo, at wala akong magawa kundi hagurin ang likod niya.

I knew she was too weak already, so I lead her over to the bedroom. I wiped her mouth and put water on the bedside table. She layed down on the bed, shutting her eyes.

When I was cleaning up the puke on the bathroom floor, I thought to myself; did I really still love Mika?

No, you don't. Right?

Haven't you moved on?

I still don't really know.

But I loved Bang, right? I think I did. Now, I hoped I did.

Before, I kept reminding myself that I did love her. Especially in the moments when Mika left me behind for someone else. Bang was the one I would run to.

Now, did I love her?

Love is a strong word.

I cared about her alot, maybe that's how I love her.

I wiped the sweat off of my forehead and packed away the cleaning tools.

When I got to the bedroom, I was surprised to see Bang sitting up, clutching the glass of water.

I didn't say a word and retreated to my side of the bed, thinking she wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the night.

Pero kailan ba ako naging tama?

"Vic?" She sounded more calm now, probably more sober.

I looked at her. She was probably still a bit drunk, but that didn't mean she was lying.

"May sinabi ka habang natutulog ka."

My heart dropped; what did I say?

"Na..." She took a breath. "Mahal na mahal mo pa rin siya." Her words quivered.

No, please no.

"Natutulog ako, wala lang yun." I responded in my defense.

She shook her head at me rapidly, face slowly going redder. "Hindi. Kilala kita. Hindi."

I hated hurting people, especially her.

"I'm sorry." My first impulse pricked at me like a thorn on a rose. Sorry? Victonara, hindi yun sapat.

Nakatingin lang siya sa baso.

"I know, pero wala kang kasalanan." She sighed, "you can't choose who you love."

I felt so guilty.

Naririnig ko ang yanig ng mga salita niya; isang lindol na tilang binubuwag ang lahat na meron kami.

Tinitigan niya ako, "Kaya mong piliin kung sino ang nasa tabi mo, pero maaaring hindi siya ang nasa puso mo." I wasn't sure if I was hearing anger, sadness, or anything.

I felt an immense sadness, and at the same time, it wasn't sadness; it was more like a feeling of denial.

I wanted to say that I didn't love her, that it was Bang who I did love. I wanted to be a better person. I really, really wanted to;

it's just that I can't lie to her.

It physically hurt now, and I couldn't do anything but silently cry. Bang was crying too, and I wasn't sure if I even deserved to cry.

"I-I'm so s-sorry."

She didn't answer me, she just shut the light and went to sleep.

I had no idea what was to become of us, or of me.

I've been hiding from this for too long, and I want to get rid of what I feel for Mika.

The thing is, no matter how hard I try, I can't.

•

"Love is so short, forgetting is so long." -Pablo Neruda, 'Tonight I Can Write the Saddest Lines'