Rain On Me

Part 19 ~ In Over My Head

(3 days later)

I can't believe I gave in.

I can't believe I just watched 2 hours of his rehearsal. Why did I give in? I shouldn't have . . . ugh . . . everything is ruined. . ever since the kiss we shared in his hotelroom, I'm in over my head . . I have a feeling that I'm starting to care about him more than I should . . . more than I'm allowed to.

And I can't let that happen.

He's talking to his manager . . I think that's his manager . . he's got a cigar in his mouth and looks like he loves to eat. I actually had a great time watching him rehears.

Michael truly has talent and you can really tell that he loves doing this . . being on stage, that's what he's really passionate about. . I just wish he would take it a little easier . . he really needs the rest . . . and he needs to eat more.

The woman he was rehearsing with is really beautiful. I love her long blonde hair. I believe her name is Sheryl. Michael comes over to me after changing his sweaty shirt. He's still a little out of breath.

He's sitting next to me now, breathing in my face . . but it's ok . . his breath smells nice. . . . but why am I thinking about his breath? . . . this is so weird.

"I'm so glad you came . . did you enjoy the rehearsal?"

"I did . . you're really good . . but ummm, I will not be able to come to London with you, unfortunately . . I have a lot of stuff to do . . and I have my evaluation . . so, I just wanted to tell you now. . but it was nice watching you rehears . . you're really good at what you do :) . . but umm, I think you should relax now . . you need to eat something and take a nap"

"Yes, I definitely will take it easy for the rest of the day . . but that's too bad . . what a shame you can't come . . I would really love to have you there"

He puts his hand on mine, giving me a smile.

I look at his hand . . it's so big compared to mine.

"Yes. . . too bad . . anyway . . I think I should be leaving now"

"Already? we're gonna have dinner . . you're welcome to join us"

"Umm . . no . . that's very nice of you to invite me but I should get going"

"Why do you always ''have to go'' somewhere, Megan?" he asks boldly. I give him a serious look.

"Because I'm a busy woman. . I have a job . . and it's Misses Miller"

"I'm your job . . . why are you pushing me out of your life?"

I swallow nervously. "I'm not pushing you out . . I have things to do. . I can't come to London with you and watch you perform . . and I can't sit with you and your people and have dinner . . I simply don't have the time, ok? . . and I want you to remind yourself that I'm your psychologist . . not your friend"

The smile on his face slowly disappears.

"Of course not . . of course we're not friends . . I know that"

I can see the hurt in his eyes . . ugh . . I shouldn't have said that . . WHY DID I SAY THAT? I guess my walls are talking . . the walls I have to put arround me so he can't come in . . I can't look at him and not think about the kiss . . . it's all right in front of me . . . I can't act like it never happened, it's just not possible.

And I know the reason why I sat here and watched him rehears for over two hours is because of the simple fact that I care about him more than I know. . more than I realize.