Being McKenzie Prince ✔

Dear Diary

I remember the first time that I tried to make dinner for our family. I was nine years old. My mother was working at the Hospital. It was before they fired her for stealing the merchandise. She was busy with a day shift and she invited Ray, her current boyfriend, to come eat dinner by our house.

Ray was a car salesman for second-hand cars. He was really good at his job. Just like my mother he was an expert when it came to lying. Everyone believed every word that came out of his mouth. He was a smooth talker and a charmer.

I was alone at home, while Skye went camping with Ray.

I decided to bake scones. It looked easy enough and we had leftover butter and strawberry jam in the fridge which our neighbors gave to us the weekend. It was this old lady and she always brought sandwiches and sometimes even sweets for Skye and me.

The plan was to open up a can of baked beans or spaghetti with the scones. It was not exactly super fancy, but it was the best that I could do with what we had in the house. We were used to making due with what we had.

It was about surviving.

I slowly read through the recipe and I made sure to do everything exactly right. While I put the scones in the oven I heard someone open the front door. I quickly ran towards the door with a smile on my face. Ray walked towards me and roughed up my hair. I was wearing one of my dresses. It was blue and it had pretty white flowers on it. The lady next door had made it for me.

He pretended to smell something in the air and asked me;

"What's cooking kiddo?"?

As I think back I really liked Ray. Until that day I never understood why my brother seemed to hate him. I never saw him being rude or mean towards my mother or brother. Skylar was always really quiet and in a mood when he came back from their camping trips. They did it at least three times a month over the weekends. I honestly thought nothing about my brother's behavior. On the contrary I used to be jealous that I could not go with. Every time I asked my mother would say no.

Even that time he showed up with a blue eye I did not even think twice about it. We told each other everything and he would have told me if there was something wrong. He would have said if Ray was hurting him.

Why would Skye lie to me?

I had no reason to believe that Ray was anything but kind and caring. After I saw Ray's true colors I quickly put the pieces together about what was going on between them. It was not just about going camping. Worse was the fact that I think my mother knew about it.

Ray and I started to play cards in the living room while we waited for the scones that were still in the oven. He said really nice things about my drawings. I remember that I felt uncomfortable as his hand touched me leg. It was only a second and then he took it off. It was as if though I could feel something inside of me telling me that something was not right.

The silence was almost unbearable. Silence has never been as loud as it was that day. The sound of silence scared me and I stood up to leave. I kept thinking;

"Where is my brother?" and

"Why is he not with Ray?"

They were supposed to be camping until that evening.

I told Ray that I had to go check on the scones.

I never got the chance to check them though.

While it was happening I did not really have any idea of what was actually happening, but I knew that it was wrong. It felt like it was my fault, that I did something wrong for him to do those things to me.

I burned the d$*& scones.