Its Complicated

Chapter Eleven: Come Back To Me

*Adams POV*

(2 days later)

I trudged into school feeling like crap. My father was the same as usual, he was only sober that day because he had a job interview. I should've known nothing would change.

I also haven't talked to Sauli since our fight. I was going to apologize but he looked so happy without me. I was pretty sure he didn't love or want me anymore because I was so bitchy to him. He wouldn't even make eye contact with me anymore.

I felt so stupid for letting the only person who loved me slip right through my fingers.

My life is a bottomless pit and I can only go down.

I kept replaying our fight in my head and decided that if he didn't want me anymore then I shouldn't dwell on it...lies.

If Sauli didn't want me anymore then I would probably feel like I used to. An unwanted piece of garbage. I'm already starting to feel like that again.

And then it hit me that Sauli may seriously not love me anymore. Tears started to spill from my eyes, sliding down my cheeks leaving wet tracks. I didn't care if people saw me crying, they wouldn't care. Just whisper and laugh...

As usual.

I looked around to see people staring. Oh well, I would too. I probably look like shit right now. I was wearing a black shirt, black pants, my trench coat, and black boots. I didn't bother to put makeup on today..

I dressed in all black because that's how I felt and how my world felt.

Deep, dark, shitty, worthless, and depressed.

A fresh set of tears decided to spill down my face, dripping from my face onto my trench coat, and on my shirt.

I tensed up as I passed Sauli, I could feel him staring at me, his face blank. Of course he was hiding how he felt. He cared about people seeing him cry, I didn't. He doesn't have to put up with being bullied, I do. He doesn't have to get beat up by his dad, I do. He doesn't have to work, I do.

These were just a few examples of how he had it easy and I didn't. Sometimes I wished I was a high functioning sociopath like Sherlock Holmes. But of course that wasn't gonna happen.

I finally reached my first and second period class and plopped down into my seat. I was extra early and I seemed to enjoy it. No one but the teacher was here to bother me. Just how I liked it.

I pulled out my iPod and listened to some music. I loved music, it's my only escape from this hell called life. I eventually fell asleep listening to Disappear by Marilyn Manson.

*30 minutes later*

I woke up to the warning bell that class was gonna start in five minutes.

I stretched and put my iPod away and got my school materials out. My face was still glistening with tears even though I wasn't crying anymore. I had the song Breaking The Same Old Ground by Marilyn Manson stuck in my head.

I was snapped out of my thoughts of the song when I heard Sauli slip into his seat behind me. My back muscles immediately tensed up. I knew I should talk to him but I was convinced he didn't like me anymore.

I scooted my chair up as much as I could so I wouldn't be so close to him. I sniffed and tried to pay attention to what the teacher was saying but I couldn't without zoning out a minute later.

I heard sniffling like someone was crying behind me. But the only person behind me was Sauli...

I snapped out of my thoughts when a note landed on my desk. Great, probably some comment about me crying earlier or just a rude 'faggot' note again.

Whatever

I cautiously picked it up and unfolded it. It read:

Dear Adam,

I'm sorry I wouldn't talk to you these last few days. I just can't bring myself to talk to you after I realized how right you were about Brooke.

I saw you crying this morning and I didn't say anything because your mad at me aren't you?

Anyway I'm really sorry and I want to continue our relationship together. If you don't forgive me then I understand

-Sauli K.

I was shocked at the note. This whole time he had thought I was mad at him?! All these wasted tears over...NOTHING!

I was agitated for a minute. And then I was relieved.

My muscles had relaxed as I read the note.

I smiled and scooted my chair back until it lightly touched Sauli's desk. I ripped a piece of paper off my notebook and scribbled down my answer to his note. I carefully folded it up and tossed it behind me, hearing the satisfying sound of the paper hitting his desk. I smiled as I heard him pick it up.

*Saulis POV*

I was worried Adam wouldn't forgive me as he read my note, considering before this he was trying his best to avoid me. I decided it was time to apologize when I saw tears spill out of his eyes.

I heard a thumping sound of paper hitting my desk. I looked at Adam before opening it and I could tell he was smiling.

I carefully unfolded it, not wanting to get caught, and it read:

Dearest Sauli,

I Love You To Infinity And Back<3

-Adam L.