Newborn

Chapter 66: Exes and the Meaning of Life

Anne Halton

  

Alone on our balcony, Jess sits looking out.  She’s smoking a cigarette, thinking about me.

She didn’t know how to react when I told her everything.  She felt hurt when she learned that I was keeping something so big a secret from her.  And then she felt betrayed when I told her about what I did with Liam.

Now she’s worried about me.  She tries to imagine what I’ve been going through, but she doesn’t understand what’s happening to me.  It occurs to her that I don’t know what’s happening to me either.  That might be the scariest part.

Jess thinks about calling me.  At least she wouldn’t be alone with her pain.  But Jess can’t.  I hurt her.  I’m hurting her by pushing her away.  I didn’t beg her for forgiveness, I didn’t try and justify it, I just told Jess what I’d done.  She couldn’t have understood anyways, she doesn’t know what the fire feels like.

There is a knock on the door.  Jess goes back into the apartment and opens it.  Liam is waiting.

“Is Anne here?” he asks.

“Fuck you,” Jess says and slams the door in his face.

Liam knocks again.  Jess hesitates but decides to open it.

“Can we talk?” Liam asks.

“Go to Hell,” Jess says.  She goes to slam the door again, but Liam stops it with his hand.

“I’ve been there.  Decent food, not much for the ambiance though, and don’t get me started on the service.  Now, I need to talk to you about Anne.”

“Why?  Do you want to tell me about how you fucked her?  Was the whole Sword of God chase just a distraction so you could get at my girlfriend?”

“She was my wife,” Liam says, as if that explains his actions perfectly.  “I love her more than anything.  But I shouldn’t have let that happen.  I miss her so much, but she wants to be with you.”

“It’s a little late for that, she’s gone.”

“It’s not too late,” Liam says.

“How do I know you two won’t just run off into your dysfunctional sunset?”

“It was a mistake,” Liam says.  He reaches into his jacket.  Jess shudders for a moment as he takes out a gun.  But Jess knows guns, and she knows he isn’t holding it to shoot her.  “Here,” he says, handing it to her.

“Why are you giving me this?”

“You can have one shot,” Liam says. 

“You want me to shoot you?” She doesn’t really believe it.

“Not the face, vital organs, or the groin.  It won’t kill me if you hit me in one of those spots, but I’ll be very upset,” he says.

“You’re serious, aren’t you?”

“It’ll hurt,” Liam says.  “But it won’t kill me.”

“Do you think this will make us even?”

“As much as anything can,” he says.

Jess thinks about it for moment.  The man in front of her fucked me while Jess and I were still together.  He used her and manipulated her to get information.  And then there’s a perverse curiosity.  She wants to see what happens if she shoots Liam.  Everything is spiralling out of control.  Jess wants to shoot Liam to make everything feel real.  “Alright,” Jess says.