Newborn

Chapter 60: Honesty

Anne Halton

                            

Jess is on her way home from work.  She submitted a report suggesting that Simmons was a Legion agent.  The Sergeant wasn’t happy to find out that Jess was secretly working with another organization, but he accepted the information.  If any officer in the city spots Simmons, he’ll be taken into custody, but knows they won’t catch him.  They think they’re looking for a rogue cop, but he is something else entirely.  She knows that I’m something else entirely too.

‘There is more going on her than you know’.  Simmons message to her couldn’t have been truer.  He could have said, by the way, we’re dealing with magic or aliens or whatever is going on.  He tried to explain something to her, but she thought he was going crazy.

She looked through Simmons’s file.  She knows that I’m the Scarlet Lady, but she hasn’t figured out what that means.  She saw me move in impossible ways, but she doesn’t know how.  The same string of thoughts comes through her head.  This is a trick.  I must have been drugged.  Something more is going on. 

She’s angry with herself for not being able to see.  Everything she has based her life one, reason, science, the empirical world, it failed her.  She though she knew the rules the world ran on, and it stopped her from seeing that there people out there who were playing an entirely different game.

What is she? She thinks.  Who is she?  A part of her thinks that our whole relationship might have just been a lie.  She doesn’t understand how I could keep something like this from her.  I can’t blame her for feeling betrayed.

As she gets to our apartment door, she can hear the noise of someone rummaging around inside.  She reaches for her gun.  She’s been carrying it with her full time lately.

I’m the one in the apartment.  I’m in the bedroom, packing my stuff.  I can’t stay here anymore, not after what I did.  Not after the way Jess looked at me.

Jess sees me and puts down her gun.  In that instance, one thing is clear to her, she doesn’t want to see me go.

 “What are you doing?” Jess asks.

I turn around, surprised to see her home in the middle of the day.  “I thought you’d still be at work,” I say.  It’s pretty clear what I’m doing.

“And you weren’t even going to say goodbye?” Jess asks.

She’s right.  I was hoping to be in and out without having to look her in the eyes again.  I know it was the weak thing to do, but I wasn’t sure if I could face her.  I still don’t know if I can.  “Is there really anything left to say?” I ask.

“There’s everything to say,” Jess says.  “I knew you were going through something.  I should have paid more attention, but I thought you just needed a little space.  You know, it’s been a year since you moved in.  I thought it was just a natural bump.  I never imagined you were keeping something like this from me.  I know you’re the Scarlet Lady.”

“I’m sorry,” I say.

She looks like she might cry.  “Don’t be sorry, just tell me what’s been going on.”

“I don’t know how this got so far,” I say.  “There’s so much, I don’t know where to start.  I’m not what I seem to be.  When Legion broke into our apartment, I was here.  He shot me.”

“Oh my god,” Jess says.  She understands why I was so upset afterwards, why I didn’t feel safe.  “Are you alright?”  Her instinct is hold me and try to make things right, but she has to resist.

“I’m fine, but it woke something up in me, a fire.  At first I didn’t tell you because they told me not to.”

“Who are they?” Jess asks, searching for any sort of answers.  She’s trying to piece together the whole scenario to find out who’s guilty, but there isn’t a bad guy who made me keep this from her.  It was all me, me and my fear.

“That’s not important.  That isn’t why I kept it from you.  I kept it from you because I was afraid of what’s inside of me.  It’s dark and destructive.  My whole life, I’ve been holding it inside, but then I couldn’t anymore and so I tried to use it for good.  But it was so hard.  I’m trying, but I’m afraid of it.  The fire is destruction.”  I’m crying.  I know I have to leave, but I love her.  “I have to keep you away or I’ll destroy you,” I say, “and I can’t bear to do that.”

Jess is quiet for a moment.   “Please stay,” she says.

“How can I?  I saw the look in your eyes when you saw me use my powers.  I saw the horror and the fear.  You looked at me, you saw my face, and you didn’t see me at all.”

“I was afraid that inside you were really someone else.  I was afraid that I didn’t recognize you,” Jess says, “but I do.  I don’t understand what’s happening with you, but I know I love you.  I’ve always loved you.  There is something in you and it scared me.  I was afraid that you weren’t really my Anne, or that I was in love with a lie.  Seeing you here, I know that I don’t care.  The fire, or whatever the Scarlet Lady is, is part of you.  And I saw the articles, you’ve been helping people.  You’ve been doing good.  If you are who you’ve always been, if you love me, please stay.  I want you to stay with me.”

I want to so badly, but I can’t. 

“I had sex with Liam, or Riley, or whatever you call him,” I say.  “He was my husband, and we had sex.”

Jess stares at me for a moment, silent.  I guess I’m not the person I’ve always been anymore. 

Jess leaves without saying a word.

I probably could have explained things better.  I could have blamed it on the fire, but it was me.  I did it.  And Jess will be better off without me.

I finish packing my bag and I head out.

As I’m about to leave, I can feel the tears running down my face.

I wish I could stay… but I can’t.