Memories of Summer

[Week 6: Laura]

Dear Diary,

It's the sixth week of summer break. Even though it has been a week since I broke down in front of Liam and actually told him how I had been feeling since he cheated on me, I can't help but every morning touch my cheeks and feel if they are sticky or not. The night at the carnival I hadn't gone home because I was so afraid of staying alone so... I decided to stay with Liam.

Of course, we didn't do anything outrageous, but since his parents weren't home we stayed in his room. It felt like I was walking into an old memory as I entered Liam's room. I hadn't been there for months and as I laid there, looking at his ceiling and tried to get my crying down Liam laid next to me, not letting go of me neither how much my body was shaking or how many tears streamed down my face.

He didn't say much more as we laid there, I don't really think he had to, his presence felt like it was the medicine I had been craving for. But as I woke up that morning, Liam's sleeping face facing mine through my lashes with I had a hard time separating, I forgot everything for a moment. We had never been fighting, nothing had ever separated us and I had never felt such inner peace as I did at that moment.

I had literally emptied everything that had been inside of me. How much I had actually hurt and cared about what Liam did. How much it ached in me and how I couldn't understand that the most stable person in my life could do that.

"I don't think it matters how many times I tell you I am sorry, Leyley. If you know anything about me you know that I would never do anything intentionally to hurt you, what I did I will regret for the rest of my life and... and..."

After all this time trying to stay away from Liam I don't want to feel disappointed in myself for actually listening to his excuses and... believing in him.

So like I said, every morning since then I wake up and feel my cheeks to see if they are sticky or not, and not since that night have I felt any tears. No more night where I just wake up and what to tear my chest open, no more fake smiles and I have motivation again.

But the thing is that neither Liam or I have really talked about that night. I don't really know if there is much to discuss what happened, we talked so much as it happened and now afterward I can't help but want anything more than to move on. I still remember how just as I laid there next to Liam, taking in every contour of his face, he opened his eyes as well and we both lay there in silence taking in one another.

I don't even want to imagine what I must have looked like. My eyes so puffy and my mascara spread all across my face, but worst of all my eyes felt sore and red after all the crying. I could feel how another tear building up in my eye and fall as I looked into his mesmerizing eyes.

As it fell he slowly brought up his thumb and caught my tear, I couldn't help but feel like that was exactly what had happened the day before that. What Liam did next was nothing that I had expected. He slowly reached closer, closing his eyes and as it felt like the time stopped and I knew that I had all the time in the world to stop him.

But I didn't.

I wanted to know if his lips would feel like strangers on mine or not. Did I recognize the touch and taste of him or would I see Debra in my head instead? But his lips felt like we had been kissing just a second ago, slower movements than what I was used to but still the same taste of Liam.

He left my lips longing for more as he just gave me a quick but slow taste of him. His eyes searched mine for approval, to then slowly move his lips away from mine and rest his forehead against mine. He didn't ask how I was doing or if I was okay. Which I appreciated because of all the feelings flying through my head, I didn't know which one to use to answer those questions.

Here I am a week later and I just can't help but wonder where Liam and I would be if what has happened hadn't happened. Would we be closer or faith have just found something to come between us? Was this not what faith had planned for us or had the feeling I had for Liam now been the plan from the beginning?

Love, Laura Nancy Collins

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Your dearest,

6th of April