Memories of Summer

[Week 2: Laura]

Dear diary,

It's the second week of summer break. The work I'm doing for the summer is in a care center for elders. Since grandma Mell lives there it was really easy to get a job since I basically knew all of the staff already.

The assignments were pretty easy as well. Taking walks, reading aloud, running some errands, serving meals... Well, I guess you get the idea.

Work overall was good. But when I ended today's work I saw Liam leaving the shop across the street. The small grocery store is a favorite with the elders and I really didn't want my suspicions to be true.

But it clears as the day he works there with that awful green polo shirt he has to wear. I so wish I would have handled the situation better but when he ran across the street with a smile on his face, all I could see was Debra telling me what he couldn't deny.

It was pretty windy today and the smell of his shampoo hit me like a wall. He had seemed so confident about himself just a few seconds ago, but when he came closer no words came from him.

I thought it was so awkward since I really don't know how to approach him. "Hey, how was sex with Debra? Are you guys seeing each other much?"

But I tried to keep it casual by asking him about his job, I guess you could say he quickly recovered since I have never had a conversation about broccoli for that long.

A sense of sadness grew when he smiled at me. Damn you, Liam.

I loved you so badly.

He scratched his head like he always did when he wanted to get going and we went separate ways.

Until his truck pulled up next to me. I guess he was really only trying to be nice by asking me if I wanted a ride instead of having to walk for 30 minutes.

I was just about to say how nice it would be to take a walk when the rain started to fall.

You gotta be kidding me.

So today was the day I endured the most silent minutes of a car drive with a 'friend'. No one of us really wanted to address our former problems. So instead we kept the radio on and both of us drifted away in our own minds.

At home, I have come to understand that maybe Ollie needs Maggie more than I do. I found him sitting alone in his room with Maggie's old paintings. He didn't directly see me, I'm sure he knew I was there but he was too busy with whatever he was doing to answer me I guess.

To not make the day worse dad announced that the Moore's were coming over for dinner.

I have come to hate when people ask you questions, but in the question, it's as if they ask you with an answer already there. You don't really have a choice but to agree with them.

Like this: 

"I asked the Moore's over for dinner, but that's okay Laura, right? It's not like you're going away."

Like does anyone see a choice in this question? I know I could physically just say "no" but at the moment I don't feel the need to start something. But I mean what if I just wanted to watch Friends for the night? What if I wanted to curl up in bed alone and be fat by myself? Huh?

And the Moore's came. Well, all except for Liam's older brother who lives abroad.

The first thing that happened when they came thru the door was Liam coming dangerously close to me. I tried to tell him to "stay away" with my eyes. But it was as if he was determined to hurt me further.

Maybe he didn't feel like he gave his all earlier today?

He pressed me close to him so that my senses were drowning by the presence of him. As my father was greeting Mr. and Mrs. Moore he whispered in my ear, so soundlessly almost I wasn't able to hear.

"Laura I'm so sorry. Please listen to me."

I pushed him away lightly and greeted Mrs. Moore which to me had always been an interesting woman to talk to.

But behind that fake smile, I did towards her, my heart broke. I'm just going to tell you straight Liam, you have done absolutely nothing to be forgiven. My eyes aren't crying for you so maybe this distance between us was for the best.

At the dinner table, I did my best to avoid him as I sat down as far away from him as possible and next to Ollie instead. In his lap lay a new book I hadn't seen recently. I asked him if it was new and was only given a nod back as he shoveled a small portion of mashed potatoes into his mouth.

But across the table, I could feel Liam's eyes on me. Watching my every move. In some part of me, I felt like we were kids again. His hair looking like a bird's nest as his hands were dirty from playing and I felt like the luckiest girl in the world for being his friend.

That was then. Now it wasn't just your hands that were dirty and I definitely did not feel lucky at all.

I was so into my thoughts that I many times missed when someone at the table addressed me. I kindly laughed it off by saying that I've had had a long day and was excused.

As I left my dishes in the sink I could feel his presence behind me. I saw a flash before my eyes of how much I had wanted his presence once upon a time. But now when I think about it I hate myself for it.

I turned quickly and headed for the stairs but he was close to me. I came here, into my room, I tried to close the door but he magically appeared in the room anyway.

I looked away from him as he closed the door quietly behind him. I dragged my hands thru my hair. My facade was breaking.

He called my name.

I didn't answer. Please leave, I thought over and over.

He stood behind me. He touched my shoulder carefully but I couldn't stand it and flinched.

That's when he turned me around. I was still determined to not meet his eyes. I have never been so fascinated by my own foot before.

He grabbed my chin and I was forced to meet his eyes.

Maybe mine was dry but his, obviously wasn't.

"Look at me."

Liam, I looked. I looked so hard. But the boy I knew wasn't there anymore. I looked at a stranger.

I was handed a note. You looked me so pleading in the eyes I almost thought you could break gravity.

You asked me to read it. You said please so many times before I flinched away from you and headed for the bathroom.

I still had the note in my hand. If it hadn't been for that I recognized the paper from the book we kept when we were little I would probably have flushed it down the toilet directly.

But this made me read it. You started off by explaining yourself as a "not a thirteen-year-old girl". And then you just kept going to recreate one of the worst moments in my life.

You broke my heart, Liam. Maybe even a "thirteen-year-old girl" would be able to understand that.

Love, Laura Nancy Collins

-

Dearest reader

Please vote on this chapter <3

So for now.. Keep reading.

Your dearest,

6th of April