Memories of Summer

[A Memory of Summer: Debra]

A girl walks down the streets she grew up on. She looks to her right to see the playground where she got her first kiss and to her left where a former lover lived. Her skin is kissed by the sun, her hair dark and her eyes bright blue.

Girls she knows walks on the same pathway as her, a small smile tugs on her lips as she walks faster to catch up with them. The girls coming towards her avoids eye contact and keeps talking as if they were all alone.

"Vanessa, how have you been? Lily, what a lovely hair color you have now."

The girls named Vanessa and Lily stop in their tracks as if they had stepped on something disgusting they weren't able to ignore. Vanessa's harsh raven eyes meet Debra's and she heaves a sigh.

"Good, you?"

An uncertain smile still tugs at Debra's lips as she doesn't know how to greet the people that have slept in her home and that her mom always refers to whenever she tells Debra they are going somewhere.

"Well, you guys haven't been around so I started to wonder..."

"Well, somethings went down as you know."

The words cut thru all friendliness that might have been there. The sun hides behind a gray cloud as all cards on the table suddenly turn. Waves of confusion are, as so many times before, washing over Debra as she just stares before her as a day, weeks ago, once again comes to her mind.

"Where were you guys?"

It's summer, but it feels like the world is built of ice as a chill runs down Debra's arms and she crosses her arms over her chest in a protective pose.

"What are you talking about?"

Vanessa is impatiently stamping on the pathway as if the documentary about flies she browsed thru on TV this morning is more important than this.

"When everyone turned against me for something two drunk people did. We didn't know what we were doing but still, I didn't play a bigger part than him that night. But when he left me still catching my breath and everyone figured out what we had done. Where were you?"

Vanessa and Lily share a long look at each other before they smile viciously at Debra. Vanessa puts a curl of her dark her behind her left ear before a fake tone of sympathy takes over her voice.

"We were right outside. With everyone else."

Debra's thin eyebrows are drawn together as she tries to comprehend what Vanessa is declaring. Memories flash before her eyes, she has tried to stuff them in the darkest place of her mind where she wouldn't even dare to go even if she had a flashlight.

The feeling of everything being blurry and uncontrolled as unwanted hands touch over her skin comes back. It feels wrong. She knows that every small part of her brain that tells her that this is okay is false. But still, she doesn't push him away.

History reveals that she has dreamt of this moment, but the name that should have left his lips would have been hers. The girl he would have loved, appreciated and put first would have been her.

But it was another name. But if it wasn't the worst feeling in the world when it all went down, it was indeed the aftermath. The backs turning towards her, eyes scanning with judgment the body he had touched and the people taking care of him.

Patting him on the back and saying that it all will be okay. Because who cares about a girl no one has an emotional connection to?

She was just there, wrong place wrong time. Still, she didn't cheat, she didn't hurt, she didn't lie. She was just the dumpster of all the wrongs ever happened in this world.

Simple.

"It was just that we were friends with Liam before we were friends with you. And therefore we had to take a stand, as you can understand."

Debra still stands even if it feels like every word is a punch against the facade of last stings she is trying to hold up. Is it dignity? Is it hope, beliefs or just the direction of breeze that keeps her from not falling. A nervous laugh escapes Debra's lips as words tumble out of her mouth.

"I introduced you to Liam."

A familiar emotion of disgust washes over the girl's faces before Debra as they bring up their shields and prepare for a fight. In the end, they choose popularity over friendship, and before them is the outcome of that decision.

"We have somewhere to be."

Debra pulls at the long arms of her sweater which covers the fresh scars on her arms as a soft summer rain starts to fall. The humid level of air combined with rain soon makes the sweater stick to her body but it's just a shell of a soul that is screaming.

"What about me?"

The girls once again keep walking as they take all of the dignity the broken girl had left with them. The wind sweeps over the streets where a girl breaks down, but the world continues as if nothing. The rain falls and far away a documentary about flies has caught someone's attention.

-

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6th of April