SAVE [UPDATED]

5: Empty

I sit in the bathroom stall. Crying until I couldn't comprehend anything. I was numb. Empty. I was just an empty vessel.

I needed to feel something other than loneliness. Betrayal. I needed something to hurt on the outside like it did on the inside.
I opened my backpack, and pulled out a razor from a secret pocket on the inside.

You are stupid.

You are worthless.

You have no purpose. No reason. Why are you even here if you can't do anything right?

I can't escape my blurryface. Not until I do what I'm best at.

The blood runs down my arm, so I use toilet paper to keep it from getting on the floor. I finish everything I needed to do, put the razor back, and washed off my arm.

It still didn't help. I think I need to get hammered like Josh, then maybe I'd see his point of view.
After school I send a message to Josh, asking him when the next party is. He lies straight through his teeth.

T: Hey Josh, I'm sorry abt today, i was curious tho, when is the next party, and where?
T: ...hello?
T: look if u don't wanna talk to me that's fine I just wanna know about the next party you'll be @
J: this Saturday, 7:30pm-3:00am, 1184 Shaun dr
T: thnks

He won't even have a conversation with me. Great.

Whatever. I'll show him.

--

(Time skip: Saturday)

--

I walk into the door, trying to go unnoticed. Football players make eye contact, but surprisingly no one tried to throw me out. Maybe Josh talked to them?

I walk up to the first person with their back to me.

"Hey, do u know where the b.."

It was Josh. He wore a beanie so I couldn't tell it was him.

"...beer is?"

He nods his head and points to a table in the back of the room, littered with beer cans.

"Hey,"
He grabs my arm and I try not to wince in pain.

"Don't do anything stupid."
I scoff.
Is he joking right now?

"What, YOU'RE allowed to be shitfaced, but I'M not? Fuck off."

I keep walking to the table and grab a can. I chug it as fast as I can, feeling it burn as it goes down my throat. It leaves an uncomfortable taste in my mouth, but I keep going.

Maybe I'll forget.

Another one.

Maybe I just need to see it from a different angle.

How many have I had?

This is all my fault.

I can't walk a straight line.

I'm the reason why no one likes me.

I try to keep my balance as I walk upstairs, trying to find a place to sit. I see my world spin before I felt a tingling sensation in my fingers.

Everything went black.