Finishing Crazy(7)

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The morning after chemo, I wake up early to put on my biking gear. My bike tires are a little flat because of disuse, but I fill them up quickly and am over to Bryan’s house soon enough.

When I get there, I see he isn’t outside and I frown. I walk up to the door and knock softly.

“Kyra?” Bryan says as he opens the door, rubbing his eyes to wake up. I realize suddenly that he wasn’t expecting me today. “What are you doing here?”

He’s still in his pajamas… I immediately feel guilty.

“I’m sorry I woke you up, Bryan... I just came to bike, but I forgot… I hadn’t told you that I was coming.”

Bryan looks at me, confused. “You came to bike?” He asks incredulously. “Kyra, you just had chemo!”

I shrug my shoulders. “I feel good enough for our usual route. It’s not too bad.” I tell him.

“Kyra, the last time we biked we were doing fifty miles, and you were puking up buckets yesterday!” He exclaims. “Are you crazy?”

I laugh at the last sentence. “Bryan, I’m going to run the Ironman. I’m going to have to bike every day, chemo or not.”

Bryan’s eyes widened.

“You’re seriously still…?”

I nodded. “I said I was going to run the Ironman, so I will.”

His facial expression was somber. “Kyra, that isn’t until November. It’s only July.”

I know what he’s thinking.

“I’m going to be alive in November.” I tell him firmly. “The doctor said that they might be able to save me if I get a kidney in the next two months… if I don’t, I still have some time, with chemo and all, and I-.“ I break off because I can feel tears running down my cheeks.

Bryan wraps his arms around me and I lean my head against his chest, crying into his t-shirt. I really am a mess, I think to myself silently. I know I have a good excuse to be one, too, but I wish I could keep calm about the whole ordeal. I can’t live what little time I have left like this…

Bryan releases me and tells me he’ll be right back with his bike.

.   .   .   .   .   .

We’re about twenty miles in when I feel it.

Sudden rushes of cold send themselves through my body and I feel a dizzy sort of adrenaline start to take over. My mouth goes dry and seems to turn ice cold as I stop biking and call out to Bryan.

I get off my bike, stumbling to get to the side of the road, stopping to vomit before falling down on the ground. I’m still conscious, but my legs can’t support my weight, and I know I’m stuck here.

Bryan rushes over to my side and drops down to the ground next to me, taking my face in his hands and asking me if I’m okay.

“I’m okay, I’m okay.” I manage to get out after he asks me several times. His face turns to one of extreme worry and guilt as he sees what must be a very vacant look on my face.

“Why did I let you… why are we biking?” He asks me.

My mouth is dry. “I have to.” I tell him hoarsly.

“Kyra, you’re not feeling well enough to.I shouldn’t have let you come, you must feel awful… who knows what kind of damage this is doing to you?” He sounds so frustrated with himself that it makes me worried, too.

“It’s okay.” I tell him. “I’m okay, I’m fine.”

He looks at me and shakes his head. “You can’t tell me that, Kyra. I watched you vomit and fall, and I can see you right now. You don’t look like you feel well.”

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