Not So Broken - Eminem [DISCONTINUED]

Still Not Over It

~1 Year Later~

I still felt a pang every morning. Just like every afternoon. Every week. Every hour. Every day. Who was I kidding-every second. The pain was enough to make my heart slow down it's beating and my breath to cut short.

I just couldn't believe it was my fault. All of it. I was the reason that the love of my life had picked up that Jericho 941, F. 9 mm and put it to his temple. I was the reason he had pulled the damn trigger and sent his blood and brains onto the carpet. The thought made me throw up every time.

I began eating less. Nothing looked, smelled, or tasted appetizing anymore. I lost a lot of weight and, along with my heart, I also lost the beauty that Matt Royston had found in me. My once luxurious head of curly dark brown hair became a thin, wavy and hopeless light brown shag. My once shining hazel eyes became a droopy, dull near-gray. I just wasn't myself anymore.

Dressing in baggy pullovers and sweatpants, I didn't get friends easy and making low pay at the restaurant Matt had once worked at, I barely had enough to pay my rent.

I still couldn't stop thinking about how I had to drop out of school my last year of high school. My only wishes were to marry Matt and get my Bachelors in arts so I could become a music producer.

I was 17 years old when both hopes for those dreams shattered. Still so fucking young. Just like Matt had been. He was 18 years old the day he had put that led into his head and ended his life. Eighteen. My world collapsed around me the day I lost Matt.

And I knew that I would never be the same again.