Smooth Criminal (a Justin Bieber fan fiction)

CHAPTER 18 "I can't think of a better reason to die."

PAULAS POINT OF VIEW:

I started toward the front door with Eric and Tanner behind me ignoring them. It didn't take long before I remembered that I didn't have a car. "I need to get a new one." I thought. "Maybe a red Maserati."

"Are you going somewhere, miss Bernal?" Tanner asked politely as I sighed because I couldn't go anywhere without them behind me like two puppets.

I opened the door to Tanners car and jumped in on the backseat. "Okay then, where does miss want to go?" Eric said and sat down on the passenger seat next to Tanner on the driver seat.

"Please don't call me miss. And drive me to the steakhouse." I said in annoyance. "There is someone wanting for me." I said in a matter of fact as Tanner pulled out on the drive way.

"Guys you won't have to follow me like two bodyguards, right?" I asked as I slammed the door shut and walked toward the restaurant.

Tanner and Eric looked at each other. "Sorry, Paula, but that's our jobs."

I rolled my eyes and stepped inside the warm steakhouse as I spotted Stefan sitting at one of the tables, waiting for me.

"Hi, Salvatore!" I grinned as I took off my coat and sat down.

"Hey, you made it." He said with a soft and innocent voice. "You have bodyguards now? He laughed.

"I did and that's a long story." I smiled and couldn't let go of his beautiful green eyes. "So.. What are we eating?" I asked and looked down at the menu, breaking the romantic silence.

"You choose, I'll pay." Stefan said calmly. The way he talked was hypnotizing. It made me feel weak but safe. "Paula?" He furrowed his eyebrows.

"I'm sorry.. You were saying?" I shook my head and smiled embarrassed.

"Eh.. Nothing. Paula, are you okay?" Stefan asked concerned.

"Yeah.." I paused. "Actually no, not really. I'm going to be honest with you and I'm not okay and not fine. I've had a rough week and I rather not talk about it but then I just keep trying to bury it and pretend like everything's okay but it's not. And I just.. I just.." I stuttered, trying to contain my tears.

"What is it that you don't want to talk about? What are you trying to bury?" Stefan looked at me with worried eyes as he took my hand in his.

I took a deep breath. "Justin.." I mumbled as a tear slid down my cheek. Stefan kept his eyes on mine but didn't say anything. I could see how uncomfortable he was. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be talking about him with you.." I dried my tears.

"No it's okay-"

"No it's not. I'm sorry, but I can't stay." I said as I grabbed my clutch and walked out of the restaurant. "Drive me to Justin's house." I sobbed and clenched the seatbelt.

I didn't want anything more than being in Justin's arms right now. Feeling his warm touch against my fragile body, his breathe against my cold nose, his soft hand stroking my lost hair, his filly lips against my delicate cheekbones. He made me feel alive.

I threw the door open as I ran up the stairs to Justin's room, which was empty. I needed him, I could feel my brain pushing me to forgive him, my body craving for his touch, my heart screaming for help. I fell down on the ground and leaned against his bed, feeling the soft fabric caressing my chin.

"Paula?"

My heart skipped a beat as my head snatched up. I turned around in a rapid speed as I caught his surprised eyes. I let my body control my moves as I ran toward him. He stretched out his arms, ready to catch me. I threw myself in his arms, nothing could tear us apart as I held tightly around his neck, running my hands through his hair.

"Oh Justin, oh Justin.." I cried, not letting one inch coming between us. His arms were wrapped around my fragile body in protective mode.

Justin pulled back, holding my face between his hands as I held my hands on top of his. I gazed at his crying eyes, ready to explode with tears. "I'm so sorry, I'm so, so, so sorry.." Justin sobbed with his falsetto voice as he rolled his lips inside his mouth.

"I know." I cried and cupped his face. Justin didn't let go of my eyes. The tears slid down, one by one, on each other. Tears of joy, tears of love. He stroke my hair calmly and kissed my forehead.

I didn't want more than kiss him and show him how much I loved him, let him know that I was his and he was mine, telling him "I love you" hundred times, just hold him, but I can't.

I pulled back and licked my lips from all the tears. "Justin, listen.." I started. "I love you, I love you so much and I'm in love with you. You are the one that makes me feel alive, it's the most real thing that I've ever felt in my entire life. And I can't think of a better way to live than waking up by your side every morning, spending every waking moment with you and tell you how much I love you, fight every single day with you till the end.." I cried trying to contain myself from fall apart.

"Then we'll do it." Justin cried happily. "Let's wake up together, spending every moment together, make love together and fight to the end together.." He rasped and caressed my cheeks. "I'll do anything for you, baby." He whispered.

I looked up at him, feeling my stomach crunch. "Trust me, that is all I want but I can't loose anyone else, I can't greave anymore, I can't cry anymore, I'm not capable of that. This is all I can take, Justin. It's only a matter of time before I loose everything, including you." I cried as Justin's face expression turned into pain and sadness. "I can't live by fear, scared that you'll die because of me." I weeped in pain.

"I can't think of a better reason to die." Justin whispered and stroke my hair.

"But I can't let you do that, that's why you have to let me go. The more time we spend together, the more difficult will it be to let go of each other." I sobbed and hugged him tightly. "I can't be with you Justin. I'm loosing too much." I pulled back and watched Justin cry in pain. "But I will always love you." I said. "I love you Justin, hold on to that." I whispered in his ear. "Never let that go."

"Paula.." Justin started as I slammed are heads together, kissing him for the last time, touching him for the last time, looking at him for the last time. He deepened the kiss as I held onto his t-shirt with one hand and the other hand around his neck, not wanting to let go. I pulled back, reluctantly, watching him as he opened his eyes.

"I will always love you. And I will always choose you." Justin said as I started to walk away from him, slowly, but still holding onto his hand. "I'll wait for you, till the last day." He whispered as I nodded and stepped out of his room for the last time.

I walked down the stairs and looked up behind me as I continued my way to the front door. "Tell Zayn that he doesn't have to waste time on me, Justin won't come and look for me." I said to Drake and closed the door.