The Jester | K.TH

Chapter 22 Gone

When I was little girl, I used to dream of another life.  A life that was my own, but in a different world from the one my physical body was in. A life that contained another part of me, but my mother always told me that those dreams were just my imagination, a way of my brain playing in my sleep, so I sent them deep inside of me.  Maybe my life would have turned out differently had I not done that and followed my heart. Maybe Taehyung and I could have found each other sooner, and maybe I wouldn't have had to love Jin, but then again, maybe not.  Maybe this was all a part of the plan. Whosever plan it was. 

As I walked in the crisp fall air towards Taehyung, I thought of every way I could tell him about Lilly, but nothing felt right. I didn't know how to explain something so simple, yet so complex.  All I could do was hope he would believe me and not turn me away.  I wasn't sure I could handle a rejection from him. I didn't want to feel my heart breaking, not again, especially not from him.  But he needed to know.  He deserved to know, how I felt, who I currently was, and who I was no longer, everything. 

Every step that brought me closer to him, I felt my purpose in life drawing near.  I had what I hoped would be my eternity at my fingertips, and I was ready to jump off the edge and hoped that I would be able to catch it within my fall, and I wanted nothing more than for him to jump with me. But I was terrified of his rejection.

I could feel my heart begin to race as I saw the entrance of his cave in front of me.  Anxiety growing as I took a deep breath.  I hadn't seen Tae since everything changed and the uncertainty of everything ahead of me unsettled me. 

"You can do this, Ember. This is your chance to have everything anyone could ever want." I whispered under my breath as I tried to gather together my courage. "You can do this."

"I told you I'd come ba-" I said as I stepped into the cave, but my words were interrupted by the darkness that filled the room.  The place that once was illuminated by the light of a roaring fire was now just ashes that let out a soft glow.  I looked around the cave and found nothing. All of his possessions were missing.  Everything was gone. 

"Tae?" I called out, hoping he was just playing some kind of joke on me, but the only response was the sound of my own voice echoing through the cave.  

My heart sank.  I was alone.  He was gone and I didn't know where he was. He had left me. 

I ran out of the cave and frantically searched the woods around the area, running as fast as my legs would carry me. 

"Tae?.....Taehyung?" I shouted through the air as I ran, searching for someone who I didn't even know if they wanted to be found. But again, I was alone.   There was nothing but the sound of my own heavy breath.  I searched for what felt like hours, but there was no trace of him.  It was like he had vanished, and now only existed in my memory. 

I stopped my running and leaned against a tall, leafless tree next to me and tried to catch my breath, but it felt like there wasn't enough air to fill my lungs.  Panic started to sink in and my body froze, unable to function. I had no control over my body.  It was as if my soul had been taken from me, and now I was just an empty casing that housed nothing. 

Where did he go? Why did he leave me?
My dreams had suddenly came crashing down and I felt like the world was closing in on me and there was no escaping it. I was losing myself.

I sat at the bottom of the lifeless tree and started blankly into the distance, with my body growing colder by the second, but I couldn't feel it.  I couldn't feel anything. My world was turning upside down.

I don't understand why any of this was happening. I thought I had made the right choice.  I thought we were supposed to be together forever. Was I wrong? Obviously I had been.  Was this karmas way of making me pay for what I did to Jin? Was this what he was feeling as well? Did I do all this to myself?

I know life has a way of throwing you a curve ball when you least expect it, but I never thought this would be how my story ended. I was cold and alone.  Please don't let this be how it ends. This wasn't a life, this was hell. 

I guess Taehyung was right when he told me not to trust anyone, not even the person who you had given your heart to.  Maybe love really was only in fairy tales and that it was something we could never keep in this life.  An elusive feeling that we all just chased throughout our lives, but are never able to catch and actually hold onto it. We're all just strung along, like a dog chasing a bone, hoping and wishing for something greater than ourselves. 

My heart ached for him.  I just wanted to be with him...why didn't he want to be with me?

"God, if you're listening...." I said as my lips began to quiver. "I know that I haven't always been the best person and I haven't always done the right thing, but please, please bring Taehyung back to me.  I know he is the reason I'm here.  The reason I've been given another chance at life.  Please don't let me lose him. I need him...I need him."

I lifted up my arm and wiped the tears from my face.

I had to find him.  I couldn't just accept this fate.  I'll be damned if I let this be how it ends.  I have to try harder.  I have to.  I was stronger than this. 

"I will find you, Taehyung.  I found you once, and I will not lose you again. Our love is worth fighting for, regardless of what anyone thinks." I found myself whispering. 

END OF CHAPTER 22

Sorry about the last few chapters guys, I've been having a little bit of writers block.  😅
But if you liked this chapter please vote and comment, it's really helpful! 😜