messages//lams ✔️

chapter 15//what more can i say?

*two months later*

//john pov

Alex squirmed in my arms. I could feel him start to tense up. After waking up with him for the past few months, I've realized he had a lot of bad dreams.

I knew I shouldn't ask him about it. He was very closed off about his past, and I couldn't push him. I had no right to interrogate him on something he was clearly uncomfortable about. Still, I couldn't help but wonder what happened to him that was so traumatic.

He was an orphan, I knew that at least. He had let that slip when he was explaining his relationship to Laf. There were obviously more pieces to the puzzle, but those were more complicated.

He fidgeted again, this time scooting even closer to me, which I thought was impossible. He seemed to move a lot in his sleep, but it wasn't much of a change from the day. He was simply non-stop.

I practically had to wrestle him into bed last night. Well, I actually did wrestle him away from his books and laptop.

With exams coming up, he didn't even sleep because he was so focused on studying. He actually needed someone to force him to sleep and eat.

That man was seriously neurotic, but dammit he was too lovable.

He shifted, this time we were face to face. I took a lock of his hair which had fallen in front of his eyes, and pulled it back behind his ear.

He looked magnificent, awake or asleep. It was a mystery on how I got so lucky as to be sharing a bed with him right now.

It took a lot of lying, but somehow, I barely had any remorse.

Laf had always asked where I was headed, to which I always responded with "studying" or more commonly "going outside to draw". Though, they never glanced in my sketchbook to truly know what I was really drawing.

In reality, I was drawing their brother. Thankfully Laf never perused through the book, or they would witness a few nude drawings of Alex.

Most of the drawings however, were of Alex reading, writing, or sleeping. I loved sketching him when he didn't notice. The drawings turned out better when I knew he would never see them.

Alex began to move once again until we were in a spooning position. (Me being the big spoon of course)

I was honestly surprised our relationship has lasted this long. I could've never worked up the courage to even ask him out face to face, but somehow he came to me. I wasn't very religious anymore, so maybe there was a god out there who was rooting for me.

I was too lost in my thoughts to recognize that Alex had woken up.

"Babe," he whispered, "you up?"

I stroked his arm with my long fingers.

"Yeah I am, babygirl. You doing alright? I saw you were moving a lot in your sleep."

"Y-yeah I'm good."

He seemed hesitant to answer, but an answer came out nonetheless. It didn't matter that it could have been false. It wasn't like he'd explain it to me anyway.

He could sense my unease, because he sat up and continued the conversation.

"So we have our law exam today.."

I nodded, fully aware that I was going to fail. He on the other hand, would no doubt pass with flying colors.

"It's our last one, and after that we have winter break," he continued.

"Yup. What about it?"

"What are you doing for Christmas and New Years?"

"South Carolina, like Thanksgiving."

I wasn't sure what he was trying to get out of this conversation. I thought he was aware that I had family there and I go there for the holidays.

I glanced over at him. He was pulling at his sleeve as a way to distract himself. That was one of the many things I'd learned about him during the past few months.

"What about it?" I questioned.

"Well.."

Good things never began with "Well..".

I raised my eyebrows at him, prodding him to continue.

"I had hoped you were coming back to New York a few days early to hang out with your good friend Laf and maybe see your boyfriend, if it isn't too much of a hassle."

I scoffed. It wasn't pointed towards the idea - it was an excellent idea really so we didn't have to wait so long to see each other again, it was just the way he put it that got a reaction out of me.

"Well, I may or may not ask Laf today if I could perhaps stay with y'all."

Alex was grinning from ear to ear. He looked so childish, but that was what made him so adorable.

"Perfect! We can spend time together and you know that you're getting a "Southern Talk" jar for Christmas!"

I rolled my eyes. Our little moment was interrupted by the 'ding' of my phone.

lafbaguette: alright bitch you better be going to seabury's party tonight

lafbaguette: or i will whoop your ass for moping around all night

lafbaguette: the lesbians are going and they can set you up with someone if that's what you're worried about

turtleboi: no no no i'm good

turtleboi: i suppose i can go to the party

I turned to Alex.

"You up for a party tonight? It's at Seabury's place."

He shot me the weirdest glance before promptly shaking his head.

"I don't party. Sorry."

"Well Laf is forcing me to go, so you're going too. They think I need to be set up with someone so I'm using you as a distraction from that."

"Fun," he rolled his eyes. "Let's just get ready for class."

//an: falsettos made me gay in hd
thanks pbs for making me sob
~meghan