ALMOST A BRIDE (Open On Annie)

17 b

I have an absolute fear- no, the word PHOBIA is probably more apt, about speaking or even just appearing in public. Being in front of a crowd terrifies me, it stems from three experiences that have scarred me for life.

 You may remember I told you about the time I played the tree in my school play; but what I failed to tell you, was why. Why was I so bad on stage that I was relegated to the role of foliage? It was because I was terrified. Panic-stricken. There was something about being on stage that made me feel physically sick. My teacher had tried to give me a speaking role, but after a disasters rehearsal where I ran off stage and hid in the bathroom in absolute terror, she took pity on me and gave me the tree role.

Several years later- something else happened. I was like most teenagers- self conscious, full of angst and slightly awkward. At the end of the school year I received the award for excellence in art and needed to walk up onto stage, in front of the whole school, to get it. The problem was this, while walking up the stairs I tripped and fell face first in front of the whole school. You can only imagine the kind of laughter that followed, I was so embarrassed that I got up and ran out crying. I still feel queasy today if I think about it.

The incident continued to haunt me, so much so that I developed an intense issue around being in the spotlight. When I graduated from fashion design school and had to walk out on the catwalk after my models had completed the mini show that the graduates put on towards their final marks, I was a wreck. I even went for hypnotherapy in the weeks leading up to it in hopes that it would help. But when I finally walked the catwalk, I was so single-mindedly focused on not tripping, that when it came for me to say a few words, I froze. I was supposed to thank the models and talk a tiny bit about the inspiration behind my collection- no big deal. But I blanked. Nothing, absolutely nothing came out. I remember going bright red and tears welling up in my eyes- all this in front of my fellow classmates and teachers. It was horrific. Luckily my teacher was very understanding and I got the opportunity to talk to her in a one-on-one setting. But it was just another royal embarrassment.

Trev knows this about me. He saw what a wreck I was before the show, he knows about the hypnotherapy, about my absolute fear of going on any kind of stage.

But I could see what he was about to do…

The music had stopped and Trev was still holding the mic in his hands, but now instead of focusing on Tess, he was focused on me. Intently.

“You know…” His voiced boomed out, “I would just like to take this opportunity to tell you all how very, very blessed I am.” I could sense it, one of his great lawyer speeches was coming. The ones I’d seen him practice so many times in his office. The ones that always won the case, won over the judges and twisted the final knife into the back of the accused, “Not only am I getting married tomorrow to the most beautiful, sexy, smart, funny woman I’ve ever met (ouch) in the most gorgeous, special, intimate beach wedding, (adjective overload) but I’ve also been lucky enough to have been given the wonderful opportunity to mend a bridge with someone I once cared for… Annie.” He held his hand out in my direction and people turned. “ Annie, Tess and I were very worried about you there for a while, after the arrest and losing your job and all the bad that followed (wow, ouch) but we're so glad to see you doing so well today. Here with such a great guy, Chas (his name is Chris) and looking so happy. Give her a round of applause ladies and gentlemen.”

Suddenly the whole room was looking at me and clapping.

“So, why don’t you come up here and sing a song in celebration. I have the perfect one for you, “I will survive” by Gloria Gaynor. I think it’s so apt for you. It talks about how you’ve really, really struggled this year, but have been strong enough to overcome adversity.”

My stomach was churning, my head was spinning, my mouth was dry at the mere suggestion of going up on stage.

“Come on.” He looked to the crowd, “Everybody… Annie, Annie, Annie.” He’d  started a bloody chant and everyone had joined in. Tess way standing and clapping, which only encouraged others to do the same.  All eyes were on me. I felt Chris slide his arm around my back and pull me closer, I was so grateful that he was there.  The chanting continued and seemed to get louder and louder, with Trev leading it on the mic.

Chris waved his hand in the air to silence everyone, “Trev, what a great suggestion. How thoughtful of you. But Annie and I were just going to bed. So goodnight-“

Trev cut him off, “Oh don’t be such a spoil sport.” He waved his hands in the air and got the chant going again, “Annie, Annie, Annie.” It was all so overwhelming that I felt like I might faint. But Chris handled the thing like a pro-

“Why don’t you do another song? Your Julio rendition was so good after all.” Chris hoisted his fist in the air and got his own chant going on, “Go Trev, go Trev, go Trev,”

Soon the audience had changed their tune and were looking to Trev. I could see the anger flashing in his eyes again. He was furious that he hadn’t been able to fully humiliate me, and I knew he was probably looking for the next opportunity to do so. Looking for the next knife to plunge and twist into my back.

Chris took me by the hand and started pulling me away, but the sound of Trev’s loud voice stopped us in our tracks.

“Tess and I would be so, so deeply honored if you would come to our little beach wedding tomorrow at 6:00. To bare witness to, and share in our amazing, powerful love. It’s going to be exquisite, and I believe that Tess’ dress is a real showstopper… I should know, it cost a fortune.” He added a little smug laugh to that sentence before turning to Tess again, “Tess, you really are the most incredible woman ever created.”

I was in shock at the mere suggestion that we should attend their wedding. It was the most absurd thing I’d ever heard. It was painfully obviously that this was just another attempt to show off.

I could also sense that he was growing suspicious of Chris and I’s relationship. He was a bullshitter, the kind of bullshitter who sees through other peoples lies and bullshit. And I had a feeling he could sense that Chris and I were not a real couple.

Chris gave Trev a quick smile and continued to pull me up the path and away from them. But by the time we  reached the room, I was an absolute wreck. I couldn’t quite figure out what I felt either.

I was furious that he’d announced to a room full of strangers that I’d been arrested and then lost my job. I was furious that he’d told everyone how I’d struggled, and how he was “worried” about me.

I was mortified that he’d tried to get me to go on stage, that he had chosen that song for me and that he had caused a whole room of people to chant my name.

I was hurt- even though I hated him- that he’d gushed like that about Tess; most beautiful, most sexy, most clever, incredible woman he’d ever met. He was basically saying that I was none of those things. What was I? Chopped liver?

I was horrified that he’d suggested we come to his wedding. Nauseated that he was trying to rub his relationship, his happiness and his so-called perfect life in my face.

I hated him more than I’d hated any human being before. He was the worst kind of person; sleazy, manipulative, cunning, hurtful, boatsful, egotistical, patronizing...the list could go on forever.

I paced the room vacillating between those feelings. One minute I was flushing red with rage, the next I was flushing red with embarrassment. He had publically humiliated me. He had publically hurt me, and undermined and mocked me.

I wanted to destroy him.

In fact, if there were any way to do that, I would. I would jump at the opportunity to ruin him.

I looked over to Chris, he was sitting on the couch looking very thoughtful. He was so deep in thought that he looked like he might be in some kind of trance.

“Okay.” He spoke. “I have the craziest idea ever.”

He looked up at me seriously, “I warn you Annie, it’s completely nuts and ridiculous and so far out of left field… but trust me, it will piss Trev off more than anything in the whole world.”

“Really?”

“Trust me- this will destroy him.”