ALMOST A BRIDE (Open On Annie)

10

I cleared my throat.

Chris cleared his.

I scratched my head- it wasn’t itchy.

Chris ran his fingers through his hair- I doubt it was necessary.

I pretended to smell a flower.

Chris pretended to look out the window.

“So…” I finally mustered the courage to speak.

“So….” Chris echoed back to me.

“So….” Words had officially escaped my brain. “Um….”

Then silence.

A silence that was so loaded and loud that it was deafening.

And then thankfully he spoke.

“Okay, let me be the first to say that this is awkward.”

The relief that came from acknowledging the situation for what it was, was instant.

“So awkward.”

“So what are we going to do,” Chris said peering around the door to check whether the therapists where coming yet.

“We could not have the massage and just sit here for an hour pretending we were?” This was the only thing I could think of at the time.

Chris shook his head, “I think that ex of yours is starting to get suspicious.”

“So you’re saying… that we should… together... in the same room…almost naked?”

I looked around, there was nowhere to get dressed or undressed and there was no divide between the beds either. Everything was open, and romantic. Clearly the couple’s room was laid out and decorated for maximum relaxation and romance; magnolia flowers lay scattered across the floor and bright pink bougainvillea graced the pillows of the beds.

“Well it’s not like we’ll be sharing the same massage bed.”

“But we’ll be half naked.  In the same room though.”

Chris shot me one of his mischievous smiles, “Not as weird as if we were both totally naked!”

“This is no time for jokes Chris.”

 Knock, Knock.

We both turned and looked at the door, as if some kind of dreadful creature was lurking behind it, ready to rush inside and pounce.

“Are you ready yet?” The little French sounding voice asked softly through the door.

“Give us another minute please.” Chris was quick with his reply and then walked over to me. He squared off and looked me straight in the eyes.

“It won’t be that bad. I’ll turn around and you can undress. I won’t peep I promise.”

I looked at Chris for a moment, scrutinizing him as if I was trying to weigh up his character- a character, that quite frankly, I knew absolutely nothing about. And my conclusion was this; This fiancé farce was by far the stupidest thing that I'd ever been apart of. It was a mess from which I didn’t know how to untangle myself. It was out of control and it had gone way, way to far. I could no longer perpetuate it. This was not me. So I decided right, there and then, that I would put an immediate end to it, no matter how embarrassing it would be. No matter how much smug satisfaction Trev and Tess would get when they found out that we’d been lying. But just as I was about to throw in the towel, literally, I was holding one; I heard the bleating of Trev as he walked past.

“Enjoy your massage guys. I know we will enjoy ours.”

And that was it. All he needed to say. The smug eyed, snuffed-shirted, self-righteously, self-serving and satisfyingly conceited, ego- inflated bastard turd had challenged me…

“Oh we will.” I shouted back, “Trust me. We will. It’s going to be so good. Isn’t it baby?”

I shot Chris the kind of look that said, “if you don’t act along now, I will beat you over the head with something hard”

Chris jumped in quickly like a good little student, “So good. Awesome.”

Once I could hear that Trev and Tess where out of earshot I turned to Chris, “Now take your clothes of and get on that bed immediately!”

That boyish smile lit up his face again and I could sense a clever, witty retort coming on, “And don’t you dare say something clever and witty now, just get naked and onto that bloody bed.”

My finger was out now, waggling and pointing fervently. This seemed to have the opposite effect though, because instead of imbuing him with healthy fear and respect, it only seemed to amuse him further. 

“Yes mam.” He said giving me a military salute before pulling his shirt off over his head.

My rational, intellectual brain told me to turn away immediately, but curiosity (bad, bad, naughty curiosity) prevailed- and I watched him undress. He had broad shoulders and a large, solid frame. You could see he was in shape, but not in that chiseled, defined gym way. It was actually rather refreshing, Trev spent hours at the gym and on several occasions I’d caught him in front of the mirror flexing. He worked out until everything was perfect and honed; every muscle was a defined work of art and every line sat in the right place.  But I’ve since learnt that apparent perfection, is not all it’s cracked up to be.

He had a splattering of chest hair; Trev was as smooth as a baby’s bottom.

His shoulders were dotted with wayward freckles, Trev’s complexion was smooth and even to the point of being porcelain.

He had a small scar on his stomach where it looked like he’d had an appendix removed and small bruise on his shoulder from something.

He was completely and utterly imperfect, and in that imperfection, totally flippin’ hot.

So hot in fact that I felt my breath involuntarily quicken and my mouth go dry. Unable to move, I continued to stare as he pulled his shorts off, I really should have turned around at this point- I should have turned around.

“Take a picture. It lasts longer.” Chris said.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to,” Mortified, I instinctually smacked my hands over my eyes and swung round.

I heard a soft chuckle behind me. “Your turn. I’ll turn around though.”

I peered back tentatively to see if he had indeed turned around, which he had. But taking off my clothes felt like an impossible task. The thought of exposing myself in the same room as a stranger felt beyond bizarre. But it had to be done. I wondered if I couldn’t just leave my bra on and the masseuse could work around it? That seemed like a more reasonable idea, and one that I was definitely more comfortable with.

I pulled my dress off slowly and dropped it to the floor. The cool sea breeze felt good on my skin and I slipped under the towel on the bed.

“Okay, you can turn around now.”

Chris climbed onto the bed just as the therapists came through the door. If I were a fly on the wall right now, an objective observer to this scene, I might have laughed out loud. The pure, unadulterated ludicrousness of my current situation was undeniable.  It felt more like surreal insanity than actually reality.

But it was real. And it was happening.

And I had a feeling that this wasn’t going to be the last awkward situation we’d find ourselves in- especially since our sudden "engagement".