ALMOST A BRIDE (Open On Annie)

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About six months later, exactly eight months since getting back from my fake honeymoon, a packaged arrived on my doorstep. May I just add, that my doorstep was now located at a small, modest yet stylish apartment with no naked neighbors. I’d upgraded slightly.

I picked it up and went inside. I grabbed a snack, some nuts and dried fruit- I’ve come a long way in the dietary department too- and ripped it open.

And there….

1x Ticket to LA

1x Invitation to the movie premier of a Mr. Chris Lieberman. An independent short film Written and Directed by him. Entitled, “The World's Stupidest Man”

I blinked several times and re read that title at least ten times, The Worlds Stupidest Man”, The Worlds Stupidest Man”, The Worlds Stupidest Man”.

He didn’t?

Surly not? Written a story about himself? I turned the invite over and read the small blurb on the back,

“The Worlds Stupidest Man is a dark comedy drama about a once cynical and reclusive man who falls in love with a free spirited woman, but loses her. It’s an ironic, funny tale about a man coming to terms with what it means to be in love for the first time in his life and how to go about getting her back.” 

Um…..

I read it again just to be sure. “Stupidest Man……. once cynical and reclusive…. loses her…. how to go about winning back the girl.” 

Um…

I didn’t know what to make of this. Was it a joke or was he being serious? Either it was the sweetest, most romantic gesture anyone had ever made to me in my entire life, or it was the craziest thing I’d ever heard of. Had he seriously written and directed a movie just to get me back? The answer was obvious when a small hand written card fell out of the package.

P.s Annie Anne, if you’re going to come- which I really hope you will- please bring the ring you’ve been keeping safe. We might need it.

P.P.S- Wear something that makes you look like a hot bitch

My heart literally exploded with happiness.  Was this a marriage proposal? The big thing that he’d been planning this whole time?

I wanted so badly to go, but a little voice in the back of my head was saying “No”. Now I was confused.

The truth was, even if I had been trying to deny it, Chris and I were no more buddies, pals, and bros than fly to the moon. We were never going to go to each others weddings, hang out drinking cold beer and watching the game together, nor would we slap each other on the back and give high-fives.

Because I was still in love with him. And I had better grounds to be this time, since we’d really gotten to know each other in the last eight months.

Shit I was confused, time to phone a friend.

***

Thanks to Thembi, a chilled bottle of dry white wine and a whole night of girl talk, a week later I was standing in LAX airport.

As a South African you hear a lot about, LAX. Characters are always going to LAX in the movies, or in TV shows and celebrities with big sunglasses are always spotted there climbing off their private jets. So to be standing there felt totally surreal, and to be going to a movie premier  was even more bizarre.

I walked out of the arrivals terminal and felt overwhelmed, it was definitely ten times the size of any airport we had in SA, and just when I was starting to feel panicky, I saw a man in a black suit holding up a sign.

“Annie Anne”

I was pretty disappointed that Chris wasn’t there, but he was probably pretty busy getting ready for tonight.

But the disappointment eased slightly at the sight of a large, sleek black Limo waiting for me. I’d never been in a limo before.

The inside was long, sleek and black. The black leather seats were comfortable and ridiculously large, the size of lounge suits. The carpet was a dark grey velvety looking thing and shinny wooden side tables flanked the seats.

“A drink mam?” The driver asked me after putting my bags in the trunk.

“Um… sure’

He opened a sliding drawer to reveal a fully stocked bar. Glasses, drinks, bar fridge, snacks; the whole bang shoot. Suddenly I felt like Puff Daddy (P Diddy, whatever his name is) I was JLo and Britney and staring in a Hip-Hop video. I was totally unaccustomed to this.

Driving through LA felt strangely familiar, probably because I’ve seen it a million times on TV. We continued to drive for a while when a sign for Beverly Hills came into view. Even though you know that this is where some of the world’s richest people live, nothing can prepare you for actually seeing their houses up close.

And then we stopped outside the Four Seasons hotel. He was sparing no expense. This was a very big attempt at winning me back- and I was beyond flattered, and feeling giddy. He’d said he would do it when I least expected it, and he’d succeeded.

The inside of my Hotel room was stunning. It was bright and airy, and decorated in a combination of gleaming white and cream, punctuated by splashes of bright pink. From a small balcony you could see the whole city sprawled out in front of you.

I set my watch to local time and realized that I only had three hours before the premier started. The driver had said he would fetch me and I needed to get ready.

An hour later, feeling bathed and clean smelling, I slipped into the dress I’d bought with me, an African inspired little number with a very plunging neckline that Thembi and I had designed together. I put on black heels, grabbed one of my bags and looked at myself.

This was it. Ready or not. 

The event was larger and way more glamorous than I’d expected. Instantly, I felt underdressed. Shinny, jeweled ball gowns were swooshing past me and blinding me as they caught the light.

I scanned the dense crowd for Chris, but couldn’t see him. There were too many people, and I was starting to feel like a fish out of water in this foreign environment. I tried to call him, but his phone went to voicemail. I asked the security guy at the door if he could help me- he couldn’t.

And just as I was feeling so uncomfortable I wanted to climb out of my skin, I saw him.