Exposed

Chapter XVIII: Slurred Distance

Chapter Eighteen: Slurred Distance.

It's been a week since Jake and I parted our own way. It's Christmas Eve today and having dinner with Mom, Dad and Carter tonight is going to feel... weird. Not having him here. He's been doing several TV appearances since we broke up. How he manages to look so unaffected by my absence in his life makes me wonder if it's just a mask for the media or if he actually feels that way. I try to avoid seeing him on TV but, sometimes I can't just help myself and stop as I peruse through the channels.
I last saw him on Saturday while cleaning our apartment before giving it away. He didn't even come in to pick his stuff. He saw the U-Haul worker pick up his boxes from inside the truck he rented. To say a few tears were shed would be an understatement. It was hard saying goodbye to all the memories the apartment held. All those kisses, laughs, moments that I hold or held as ours. But, it was even harder doing it alone without him there to let them go with me.

A knock sounded at the door and nerves started to come through my body. It was the first time I would see him since I told him and he left the hospital heartbroken and angered. Knowing he was on the other side of the door and unsure of how we would be around each other made me insecure. We had briefly texted each other to plan how the moving and distribution of his things would be done. I offered to pack them for him, his only responsibility to pick them up.

I turned the knob, only to find a different male figure, dressed in work uniform.

"Good afternoon," he greeted. "I'm here for..." He paused, taking out a notepad from the front pocket of his shirt. "Jake Caplin's stuff."

I felt bewildered and hurt that he sent someone else to pick up his stuff. But, again, I hurt him enough to make him not want to see me. Why would he want to see me after finalizing our relationship? It would have prevented him from beginning to move on.

I stepped aside, nodding to the boxes that were neatly organized in a corner of the empty living room. "Um... Those, there, are his boxes."

He nodded, bringing in a carrier and putting four out of six medium-sized boxes in it. I offered to help him with a small one with his shoes, taking it down.

As we stepped out of the elevator and building, I noticed a familiar figure, waiting inside the truck. It was like my eyes were instantly drawn to him. They always were. And today was no different.

His jaw was clenched and his shoulders seemed stiff as if he was forcing himself not to look my way while feeling my gaze was on him. My heart curled in pain and rejection as I continued to walk, reaching the back of the small truck and placing the box in the truck as the worker stopped the carrier and started loading his stack. Clearly, Jake had paid extra to bring a worker with him and avoid me. But, as much as I wanted to say it hurt, I couldn't. It wasn't fair. It's all a dilemma in my head. I wanted to say I was hurt but, again, I couldn't. I created this gap between us. I could have blamed it on the medication, saying it was an impulsive decision while on meds. However, it was a coward thing to say. An easy way out of the guilt path.

I returned to the apartment, the U-Haul worker following my steps to pick up the last two boxes.

I'm debating whether I should send him a Christmas Eve text or not. Just to be polite. We never settled if we were going to stay friends or just turn into strangers so I don't know if it'll be okay for me to do so. I can't ask Carter if I should. He's mad at me for doing this. Mom tried to make him reason, saying I need time to myself but he hasn't budge. It's surprising to think my older brother would take Jake's side instead of mine due to his overprotectiveness of his little sister as an older brother. Nonetheless, he has been pissy lately. Apparently, things between him and Abby didn't work out and ended up badly.