Erupting Emotion

Slow Suicide

A/N: Trigger warning.

This was one of the quickest poems I have ever written. The idea came into my head after I heard the news about Chester Bennington yesterday. I remember the first time I heard "One Step Closer," and the emotion I felt hearing the song. I was a teenager who was angry at a lot of people and the album "Hybrid Theory" allowed me to express my emotions including my anger. I often listened to Linkin Park's music when I wrote and was inspired by their lyrics. "In The End" will always be a song I can listen to for years. Their next few albums were amazing and were the soundtrack of my teenage years. Even though I don't like their new music as much, I will always respect them. I was so shocked to hear about Chester, and with the passing of Chris Cornell a few months back, the idea of this poem came to mind. I don't condone  or support suicide but I had to write down my emotions before I went crazy. Some people think suicide is the only way out and I think I understand that. If you are suffering, please know there are people who love you and want to listen to you. I know you can fight and beat your demons. Feel free to message me, I will always be there.

1-800-668-6868- Kids Help Phone

xoxo

Rose

The deadly demons started to drastically drill through your sunken skull,

When you were nine.

You knew something was wrong,

But you said you were fine.

A singular sepia seed filled with dangerous darkness, was planted deep inside your brittle brain,

And like water, the vicious voices allowed the seed to feverishly flourish into a tremendous tree,

As the robust roots reached deep down inside your core,

Holding onto you like an anchor in the swelling sea.

You tried to carefully cut the brawling branches down,

By secretly swallowing prescription pills and bitter booze.

It worked for a little while,

Until your beat-up body folded over like a plastic chair, so you could snooze.

The venomous voices became more boisterous when you were sixteen,

And you felt you were living life tragically, trapped inside a menacing metal cage.

You were prescribed more medication, that started to lose affect,

Because the destructive demons were still there, making you savagely scream in barbaric rage.

Everything in your life was critically crawling with sombre shadows,

As your bruised body turned into ivory ice, frozen and cold.

You didn't know how much longer you could go on,

And you desperately wished the destructive demons would lose their hold.

The golden glistening sun was never seen by your eyes, instead you only saw darkness.

You were advised to talk to someone but you knew it would never help you.

You were stuck frantically fighting a barbarous battle against a great enemy,

And you knew there was nothing you could do,

So, you did your best to fight and stop the darkness from growing.

You smiled, laughed and even fell in love.

You seemed happy and free,

Like a flying white whimsical dove.

But no one knew that everyday you were trying to badly break,

The growing blood thirsty branches, inside of your hectic head.

You cried on the inside, because you had to be strong,

But you knew it wouldn't be much longer until you were dead.

You tried to stay alive by going to school and finding a job,

To support your family and kids, who you loved with your whole heart.

They gave you seconds of scintillating sunlight, but it wasn't enough to match the grueling grey.

You made the decision that day, and it tore you apart.

You knew your actions would hurt the people you loved,

But you were sick and tired of fighting a wicked war you could never win.

It was better to let go, than to live life like a hollow, miserable machine.

You never said goodbye but you felt guilty, as you made the ultimate sin.

As you took your final last breaths, you could feel the rambunctious roots,

Being extracted excitedly from the trembling tree inside your head,

And you knew you were finally free from the deadly demons,

And better off dead.

To my family and friends, please don't be sad.

Please know, I am better off soaring like a bird in the sapphire sky,

Than being strangled by the corrosive clouds,

That prevented me from being able to fly.

I wish I didn't have to do this,

I wish there had been another way.

And no, this is not your fault,

No matter what you think or say.

I will also love you and all the things you did for me,

But I couldn't suffer in silence anymore,

I had to let go, to finally be free.

Free of the demons, that had been in my head,

Since I was nine,

Spending year after year, day after day,

Pretending I was fine.

But I was crumbling and unravelling,

Like a rag doll at the seams,

I knew I had to finally end this nightmare,

So I could live my life, how I imagined in my dreams.