Am I Alive?

17 0 0
                                    

I pull Louis into the pool as he screams a girlish high pitched scream. I didn't think his scream would sound that girlie. He thrashes around in the water. He finally gets out of the pool. He stares at me with a scowl on his face.
"You guys can have fun but I don't want anything to do with it." He says climbing out of the pool and back into the house. I laugh as I submerge back into the water. I see Liam up ahead. He looks at me then comes after me. I swim away from him.
I feel his hands wrap around my waist pulling me towards him. I stare at him. He smiles and stares back. I kiss his chin. He smiles even wider turning me so I face him. He hugs me. I hug him back hugs are nice. He kisses my forehead moving his lips to my ear then tracing my jaw bone.
Finally his lips find mine and we kiss. Air bubbles escape from my lips. We swim to the surface slowly pulling away from each other. The world just seems so crazy I just want to stay here. We break the surface gasping. We both breath in the fresh air. I dive back into the water as he chases after me. I swim deeper and deeper until I reach the tile on the bottom. The tile is cold when I touch it. It has a nice shade of blue that matches the water.
I sit down on the tiles leaning my back against the wall. Liam comes and sits next to me. I leg toy out my head on his shoulder. I don't want to go back up to the surface. Reality is such a pain. It's much better here. No worries just swimming all the time. I see air bubbles escape my mouth.
Liam points up the the sky and swims towards it I don't want to go back. I stay where I am letting the air escape from my lungs. I can't take it anymore my lungs scream for air. I imagine I'm on a island with sweet sweet air. I breath it in just to get a nose full of water. I choke on it sucking more water into my lungs. I try to hold my breath but it's no use.
I close my eyes this is all a dream but maybe it's not. This is it my answer. I'll never have to go back to reality I can stay here forever. I let the water fill my lungs until I can't breath anymore. I open my eyes again. There is a mirror framed by wood in front of me. It stands on wooden legs holding it upright. Around me there are grey sheets covering other objects. I choose not to remove the sheets. The room is bare except for the sheets and is mirror. The walls are a grey color. There is white on the bottom of the wall in fancy italics. The floor is a deeps shade of brown. It's made out of wood with a thin layer of dust open it. The ceiling is a light tan color. I look at my reflection. My small beady eyes stare at me. My brown hair pulled back away from my eyes making my check bone stand out more. I touch my reflection on the mirror. A crack forms from where I touched it. The crack spreads through the mirror and finally it breaks.
The room starts cracking with it until there is nothing but darkness. I close my eyes with one thought on my mind.
"I have to stay alive for Liam" I hear beeping in my ears it's faint but I hear it.
I open my eyes. There is a heart monster next to me. I'm laying in a white bed wearing a pink gown thing.
The bed is angled towards he door. I look at the door a light wooden color sigh a silver handle and long rectangular window on wither side of the door. I turn my head slightly. Liam lays in the chair next to my bed. I try to touch him. I feel a pain stab through my arm. There are needles and tubes connected to my arm that leads to a bag full of clear liquids.
My left arm is free of tubes and needles. I reach out but not far enough. I smile ignoring the pain in my lungs. I breath deeply. I let out a groan. I clutch my ribs with my free hand it hurts just as much as my lungs do.
I let out a tear. I'm alive I'm really alive. I dislike having people see me cry but now i don't really care. I let out a sob of happiness. A bright light on the ceiling becomes blurry along with the the blue walls.
My close my eyes letting the tears slide down my check. I slowly drift off into sleep. I wake up not really deeming of anything. I'm still in what I think is a hospital. What happened why am I here?
I look over at the chair. Liam is gone. The chair seems closer to the bed. On the back of the chair is a grey sweat shirt. I reach for it just barely touching it. I grab onto it pulling it towards me burring my face into it. It smells of soap and sweat it comforts me. I pull it over my head and my free arm through the arm hole. On the front it has a word saying dream. There are clouds surrounding the word.
I look at the door it's handle slowly turning. Liam comes in with a tray of food. There are waffles, pancakes, scrambled eggs, toast, butter, jelly, orange juice, and milk.
"How do you like my sweat shirt?" He asks.
"Yeah it's nice" My voice comes out cracked. He sits down on the chair placing the orange plastic tray on his lap.
"I got you some food" he says. "Okay so butter of jelly with your toast and orange juice or milk" he asks. I clear my voice loudly.
"Butter and milk" I say hugging myself. He nods spreading butter on my toast.
"I can feed myself" I say coughing.
"Don't worry okay let me take care of you" he says biting into the toast. There is a empty plate on the tray. He splits the food half and half. He holds a piece of toast in front of my. I bite it almost hitting his finger. He pulls away just in time smiling.
I finish the toast. He pokes the pancakes with a fork and feeds it to me. I finish it with syrup in my lips. He smiles kissing me trying to get the syrupy off my lips. He licks my lips a smile forming on his lips.
"You taste sweet" he says licking his own lips.
"I wonder why." I say sarcastically. He grabs a napkin and wipes the rest of the syrups from my lips.
I finish the rest of my food. Liam places the tray on the ground and starts digging into his own food.
"What happened?" I ask after he's done.
"Your a idiot" he replies.
"How so?"
"You almost drowned but I'm glad that your alive"
"Oh I drowned that explains"
"And that's why your a idiot but your my idiot" he says. I blush looking down at my legs.
"I came up for air and you weren't coming up. I thought you were playing a game but you weren't, and when I went back it was too late I though you would never wake up but a part of me thought you would and you did. I could never live without you" he takes my hand snaking is fingers with mine.
"I wouldn't be able to live without you either" I think. He hugs me carefully.
"I love you" he whispers. His voice tickling my ear. I pull him closer kissing him. He kisses my back wrapping his hands tighter around me but still careful not to hurt me.
He holds me like I'm fragile like I'll break at any moment.
"I love you" I say with my mind in a whisper. His lips begin trailing down my chin and kissing my neck. I smile pulling him closer. His hands move to my waist. I bawl up is shirt into my fist. The black material feels smooth.
I slowly release his shirt moving my hand under his shirt. His skin feels warm. I didn't feel cold but now I do. His lips lingers at my collarbone. It sticks out like all collarbones do. He trails his lips across my collarbone. I send shivers down my spine.
"What if someone sees us" I say between gasps of air.
"Don't worry I'll think of something." He says kissing under the collar of the gown. He sits at the edge of the bed leaning over. He kisses my shoulder gently. He stops kissing my shoulder and fixes the sleeve to the gown so that it's over my shoulder again. He grabs my free hand gently fitting his fingers in mine.
"Your beautiful" he says lifting my hand and kissing it gently.
"Your um beautiful too" I say.
"Of course I am I'm fabulous" he sings the word fabulous. His thumb draws circles on my hand. It's small compared to his. He stands up letting go of my hand and starts singing.
"It's getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes" he sings.
"What the crap?" I ask.
"I'm just practicing my singing voice" he says smiling.
"Why does it have to be that song?"
"Oh yeah your right I forgot" he starts singing again. "It's getting hot in here so take off all your clothes" he sings slowly taking off his shirt in a sexy why. I face palm myself.
"What is wrong with you?" I ask.
"I just thought you needed a show with that song and also that was gonna be my second choice job"
"You mean if you failed your gonna become a stripper?"
"Is my body not good enough for you?!" He says.
"Um well I just think that's not the wisest career choice"
"I just wanted to make you laugh they say the best medicine is laughter" he says straightening his shirt.
"What are you 5?" I ask.
"I'll have you know I'm not that young I'm 5 and a half lady"
"Wow your so mature"
"Of course I am my mommy sometimes even lets me watch spongebob"
"So legit but I kind of like bad boys"
"Oh you want bad well I'll tell you how bad I am"
"How bad are you?" I ask sarcastically
"Sometimes my mommy wants me to eat vegetables but when she turns around I throw the vegetables away"
"Oh snap we got a total baddy over here" I say with a laugh. He winks at me.
"Oh and do you know what else I ran away from the daycare once and went to the time out corner even" he says with a smirk.
"Dang boy where have you been?"
"Probably in the time out corner"
"What time is it?" I ask
"2 pm I think" he replies.
"I drowned yesterday right?"
"Sure....yesterday"
"What do you mean?"
"By yesterday you mean two days right?"
"Really?"
"Yeah no joke I stayed up all night waiting for you to wake up I finally got tired and fell asleep I never left your side"
"That's so sweet your the sweetest guy ever" I smile at him.
"No I'm not Harry is he had three girlfriends before you met him"
"What happened"
"He treated all of them with the respect they needed they were his princesses. He loved them with all his life. One of them died. He arranged her funeral. Another one is in a coma from a battle. Harry risked his life for her. The third left him for another he let her he just wanted them all to be happy. He hated himself for hurting them for letting them get hurt. He acted like he did because he didn't want anyone to hurt them" He says with a vacant look in his eyes.
"Oh" I say "he seems pretty devoted." I add. He nods sitting back down. He lays his elbows on his knees staring at a indoor tree plant. I stare at the tv at the corner of the room. There is a small table next to the heart monitor. There is a plastic cup with water in it and a tv remote. The wood is a dark brown. It's leg with swirls carved into it.
There is also a envelope with a red seal on it. I reach for it grabbing it in my hand. I slowly open it inside is a neatly folded up piece of paper.
"Addressed to my little fawn,
This is Harry I'm sorry for everything I did. I'm sorry so so sorry I know that you might never forgive me. But I just wanted to let you know that I love you so much. I heard that you drowned I wish I could of been there I would of saved you. I'll be waiting for you at your mothers house. I need to talk to you. I hope you get better. I know you'll never forgive me but I miss you so much." The letter reads at the bottom is his signature. There is also a phone number on it probably Harry's.
I place the letter back into the envelope.
"Who's the mail from?" He asks
"Oh um just a get well card from some people"
"How do they know?"
"I don't know"
"I'm gonna get food got 20 dollars in my jacket" he sings to the tune of thrift shop. I can't help laughing as he closes he door behind him. I reach a hand under my pillow. My clothes lay folded up in it. I search my jeans for my phone. I add Harry into my contacts and call him.
He picks up after two rings.
"Hello?" He says in a groggy voice.
"Hi I got your letter thanks for caring so what did you want to talk to me about?"
"Oh little fawn you've called Its better if I tell you in person it's kind of socking" he says sadly
"Okay um when can I see you" I say a little too desperately. I hear him laugh.
"Are you missing me?"
"No...okay well maybe a little" I say feeling myself blush.
"Okay okay I'll just come by at 5 okay" he says holding back a sob.
"Wait are you crying?"
"No no I'm not crying!" he exclaims
"Are you okay?"
"It's good to see that you care about me"
"I do care about you even if I can't forgive you, I still care about you it's strange but I do"
"Oh well thanks for carrying ill um stop by later" he says. I can hear him sob as the line goes dead. I stuff my phone under my pillow just as Liam enters the room. He holds a tray with chicken noodle soap and a grilled cheese sandwich. There is also a can of sprite on the try.
He feeds spoonfuls of soap for me. I finish my food quickly. I burp loudly after chugging my can of sprite. He laughs nibbling on his tuna fish sandwich. He finish his food putting it on the ground. The tray from this morning is gone.
He hugs me.
"I'll be right back I promise just gotta like stuff" he says
"Okay" I say hugging him back.
"Oh and you can keep the sweat shirt." He says with a wink. He opens the door closing it lightly behind him. I reach under my pillow pulling out my phone. I open it reading the time on the screen 5 pm.
I look up at the door putting my phone under my pillow. The door starts to open. The first thing I see is bouquet of flowers. Then Harry enters he room closing it softly. He places the flowers onto my lap.
"Thanks they're so beautiful" I say staring at the mixture of different colored roses. He sits at the edge of the bed.
"I have something to talk to you about"
"Oh um what is it?" I ask. He grabs both my hands holding them close to his chest. He kisses my knuckles with a look on his face as if he's going to cry.
"Its just that I..." He hesitates tears forming in his eyes. "I just want to be with you for the moments I have.
"What do you mean?"
"It's just I have lung cancer" he says with tears in his eyes. "I wanted to spent whatever time I had with you"
"How long until.." I couldn't say it. I couldn't say the word dead.
"2 months maybe" he chokes back a sob.
"How much have you been smoking?" I ask. He shrugs wiping away his tears with his arm.
"I don't know I think since I was 16 my family has been really crazy. I ran away for my foster home they were a little abusive"
"Oh" I look down at my fingers.
"I still have the scars" he says shivering. I look at him wondering what secrets he hides. I see a scar peeks out of his shirt sleeve disappearing into his shirt.
"I thought you people heal fast" I say.
"Some do I'm just normal person"
"Well no ones normal"
"True that I never asked anyone this but do you want to see my scars?" He asks biting on his lip.
"Um sure I guess" I reply. He lifts his shirt over his head. I see a scar on his shoulder he one I saw peeking out. The word alone is tattooed on his back. Around his bicep is a ribbon design with the words lost broken destroyed. He turns facing me. There is a tattoo on his stomach that disappears beneath his jeans.
There is a scar across his chest from the top of his collar bone to his side. There is a tattoo on his other arm of a black heart bleeding. There is also a glass window shattering.
"I never understood what tattoos meant" I blurt.
"I'll tell you the word alone on my back is just a word the ribbon on my bicep represents a bond with the words written on them my bleeding heart on my other one means that I'll never be whole again and the scattered glass means that I can't be fixed"
"That makes sense"
"Really it does?" I nod.
"Liam has the same scar" I say remembering the scar Liam has on his back.
"The one on his back?"
"How do you know?"
"Because we were brothers we were both very young when our parents died my dad was abusive too he remembered exactly where he whipped me. He did the same to Liam in the same spot too. It's like branding a cow except branding a human. Liam had supernatural healing but my father made it so that he never healed from it. That was after my mom died. My dad died shortly after. We both got put into foster homes and Liam well he had a good home unlike me. His last name changed and so did mine. Even if my life depended on it I'll never hurt Liam" he says looking down at the ground.
He grabs his shirt pulling it over his head just as Liam walks in. He looks at Harry who stops midway of dressing. He then looks at me before I can process it all Liam's fists hit Harry's jaw. Harry falls with a groan.
"Stop it!" I yell.
"You and him I never would of thought" he says with a sneer.
"It wasn't like that we didn't do anything"
"It looks like you and him I can't even say it" he says in disgust kicking Harry hard in the ribs. I see Harry cough up blood. I can't stand it.
"Please stop!" I yell.
"Why should I you don't care about him"
"I actually do"
"Do you care about me more?"
"Of course I do"
"Then why do you want me to stop?"
"Because he's your brother" that gets him to stop kicking Harry.
"That's not true" he lifts his leg back ready to kick again. I jump out of the bed ignoring the pain of the needles and tubes being pulled out of me. I grab Liam's leg.
"It's true" Harry says holding out his hand on the skin between his thumb and pointer finger is a birthmark of a skull. Liam looks at it putting his leg down. He looks at his own hand revealing the same birthmark at the same place.
"It's true" he says falling to his knees. I hug him tightly. He covers his eyes with his hands. I try to stand to go back to my bed but the world keeps spinning. The word soon turns to black as I fall onto the ground hard knocking the air out of my lungs. I close my eyes hearing one word.
"Fawn!" I hear both Harry and Liam exclaim as I faint. I wake up not in a bed but in something that feels hard and cold. I lift my head slightly. It's dark but the thing I'm laying on is swinging.
A light flickers one from no where. I look around I'm in a human sized bird cage. There are bars keeping me in and concrete beneath me. The bars are black and the ceiling is a dome shape. I stand up walking towards the bars. I look down I'm wearing a white dress. It's made out of a fabric that sways behind me with each step. It's a little sea through but I don't mind. I'm wearing a camisole underneath it. I run my hand across the bar. It's cold almost freezing.
I stare at where I think the light is coming from. I look back at the concrete and see Liam and Harry lying on the ground out cold. I hear a clap that is echoed by the room. The cage hangs from 10 feet above the ground.
A laugh echoes through my ears. A famine laugh that sound familiar.
"Hi there Cassidy I see you made so good to see you" a voice I recognize as Quincy's. The light shines on here revealing her brown hair and a smile that makes me winch. She wears a black dress that makes her seem skinnier. She does look beautiful. There is a hint of hate in her eyes.
"I thought you were dead"
"But I'm not" she walks along on a walk way a few feet away from the cage. Her black heels clicking on the concrete.
"Where am I?"
"Darling you don't have to worry about that do you remember Liam sure you do he must of told you about umbrella corp by now. I am the founder and owner of the umbrella corp" she says flipping her long wavy hair. She wears bright red lipsticks that make her look older and eye shadow that makes her blue hazel eyes pop. Her eyes color never stays the same this time it's more of a hazel.
"My lady I'm back" I hear Niall's voice. He walks into the light his hair slicked back holding a black box. He wears a fancy tuxedo. Quincy takes the box gesturing for Niall to come closer. They kiss passionately. I look away. I can still see them through my mind. Niall making a ice heart for Quincy. Niall stands by her side. I stare at them again.
"Me and Quincy are a thing now little fawn" Niall says with a smirk wrapping Quincy into a hug.
"You disgust me"
"How so Cassidy?" She asks.
"You know what never mind." I say sighing. I look over seeing Liam and Harry stirring. Liam sits up looking around. He approaches the cage touching it then quickly pulling back.
"We had a deal" he says violently.
"That deal expired already Mr. Payne" Quincy says with a laugh.
"A deal is a deal"
"But your already too late"
"What's going on what dead?" I ask frantically.
"The deal was for Liam here to get you to join the umbrella corp but he failed and now he isn't part of the umbrella corp"
"Why you evil bas.." Liam starts screaming but is cut off.
"Now now Liam I don't think now is a good time for hat fowl language"
"But why are we here?" I ask.
"Because everyone that's my enemy has to go" she replies.
"What did I ever do to you?"
"Oh Cassidy you left me out"
"Leave Harry and Liam out of it" I say looking at Harry who's looking around confused.
"I can do that" she pops open the black box. In it is a button. The cage stops swinging. I did pretty good keeping my balance. A trap door opens under Liam and Harry. I step back. They land in a pool of water. I sigh a sigh of relief at least they're not dead. I think of Harry only two more months. I shed a single tear. The cage starts swinging again.
Quincy presses the button. A chainsaw appears above my cage. There is a chain that attaches to the ceiling holding the cage in place. The saw turns on and starts cutting at the chain holding the cage. The chains slowly give in finally he chain snaps and the cage falls. I brace myself for the fall. A panel in the floor opens up next to the pool where Liam and Harry stand looking at me. The cage falls into the gap in the floor. The walls are no longer walls but caves. I land shortly after as the cage breaks. It cushions my fall but not by much. I groan from the pain trying to get up. I finally do and when I do I am awed. In front of me is a clearing with a lake that slightly glows. There are crystals hanging from the ceiling. They sparkle like diamonds but they don't look like diamonds.
I walk touching my hand to he smooth cave walls. There are markings on it. I can't tell what language or what're markings mean. I walk to the other side of the lake. There is a narrow hallway. I turn back towards the lake. It compels me to come closer. My legs carry my to the lake. I look at myself throughout the water. I see nothing just the ceiling.
Why don't I have a reflection? This isn't right. I touch the water sending ripples through the lake. I stick my hand under the lake. It doesn't feel right. I pull my hand out it's not wet it's perfectly dry. I shrug squeezing my nose as I jump into the water. I land hard on a large field of grass. Next to it is the lake I came from. In front of me is a run down apartment. I stare at it longer the apartment starts to disappear in it's place a white building two stories tall. There are a few windows with red curtains.
There is a large sign that says The Snow. This is it it thought it would be taller. Maybe the rest of the floors are underground I think to myself. I walk towards it carefully. I see a set of metal doors. There is a keypad next to it and a camera above the doors. I stand I front of the door a voice speaks.
"Who are you?" A deep male voice says.
"Um..." I hesitate for a moment. Suddenly something wraps around me. I elbow it in the ribs it topples over groaning. I turn looking at Liam curled up on the ground.
"Sorry" I say.
"Don't worry it's good to know my girlfriend can beat me up" he smiles through the pain.
"Now you understand how I feel" Harry says laughing.
"Victor let us in they're with me" he says to the camera.
"Fine someday I'll be taking your spot in the ranks" the voice says
"Okay okay Victor you can dream all you want." Harry says laughing as the grass floor sucks us under. We each go through different tubes. The clear tubes take me down it feels like a water slide just minus the water and add air instead.
I land hard on my feet. I fall as I exit the tube rubbing my ankles.

The directions gone wrongWhere stories live. Discover now