Once Upon A Muslim

Chapter 10 | No Hugs Allowed

"No." I shake my head and grab the edge of the table, blinking at Zahra rapidly. "I can't."

Zahra leans closer to me and whispers, "You'll have to tell her someday. Each day that passes by, the burden of revealing weighs heavier and heavier. It will be immensely difficult for you to tell the truth if you just keep waiting." She places a hand on mine. "If you want, I'll tell her with you."

I shake my head again. "No, I'll...I'll do it. I'll tell her myself." Even though I'm assuring Zahra, it feels like I'm telling myself I can do this. But I don't have the strength to do so. I'm weak and frail and bitter. I can just imagine yelling at my own mother because of what I believe in. Who I believe in. Who I follow. And most of all, who I worship. I can also imagine having a mental breakdown. This is too much for me, a seventeen-year-old girl, to take. "She'll just flip out knowing that you had an influence on me."

"That's the risk I will be willing to take for you. I love you like a sister. You're the sister I never had, the one who always looked out for me. Now it's time for me to look out for you before I leave." Zahra's voice wavers a bit but she surely doesn't want to show it. She's strong, Mash'Allah, and there's no stopping her from being brave and tough.

"I love you too." A sole tear makes its way down my cheek. I don't bother to wipe it off, because my friend is leaving me in a few days and I won't hide back the pain I feel inside. I get up from my seat and embrace her. "Thank you for being there for me. I don't know what I would have done without you."

Zahra laughs softly. "Allah will be with you at all times, Insh'Allah." She squeezes me lightly.

"Hey, no PDA in the library," a gruff voice snaps. I stand up attentively while a woman who seems to be in her forties walks over to us, large hands on her hips. Her hair is tied back in a bun, and two pearl necklaces hang from her neck loosely. "You may take that outside."

"Excuse me, ma'am, but we were hugging. What's wrong with that?" I inquire defiantly. Zahra hides a smirk.

"It's utterly inappropriate. Do that again and you'll be banned from the library for a month, young lady." She puckers her lips and stares at me.

"What?" I ask lamely. "Our 'public display of affection' didn't seem to disturb or disgust anyone here."

"It disturbed me," she spats, her beady eyes now on Zahra. "What do you have to say for yourself, Mozlem?"

Zahra stands up and clasps a hand on my shoulder, looking at the woman kindly. "Ma'am, there's no reason as to why you should prohibit a sister hugging another sister out of love. Many people hug their spouses, friends, boyfriends, and girlfriends out in the public. Do you tell them that they can't do that? Honestly, I don't think there's anything special about this library. It's not like this building itself was constructed for the elite, right?" Zahra cocks her head to the side questioningly. "Many people hug their loved ones at airports, where they depart for some time. If you are truly disgusted by all of this, please send a petition to someone in authority. Please urge them and persuade them to ban hugs. I'll see how that will work out for you."

The woman looks stunned and dumbfounded from Zahra's profound speech. Zahra smiles and drags me to the front door. Before we exit the library, she says, "Oh, madam, don't you have a loved one to hug today? Or are you that bitter not to care for them?" And with that, the double doors close behind us. Zahra exhales and closes her eyes for a minute.

"Wow, Zahra, you looked so calm back there," I compliment her, amazed at how she kept her cool and kindly told that lady that there's no point for not tolerating hugs.

She shrugs and mockingly wipes off her shoulders. "It's what I do best. Besides, whenever you confront someone, kindness is the best way to do it. Or else you'll get stuck in a time-consuming argument which you want to get the hell out of. I've had experience."