Dear No One (Wattys2017) (UNDER CONSTRUCTION)

Dear No One, If I Give In, Does It Mean I'm Giving Up

I woke up in a cold sweat, buried deep in blankets under the stars.

I sat up with a start, unaware that my entire body was trembling until I dropped my gaze to my hands. I was shaking and it wasn't from the cold.

I let my eyes travel up my arm and to my bare legs and stomach. The scar on my stomach seemed to glisten brightly under the full moon; I stood up quickly before I could let my thoughts wander too far.

I moved toward the last tent on the right, nearly tripping over rocks and twigs multiple times. When I ducked my head into the unzipped tent, I was surprised to find Callum on his side, wide awake.

"Hey." he started to sit up, "Couldn't sleep?" I shrugged, opening my mouth, only to force it shut again.

There wasn't a lot I could say without collapsing entirely. I had nightmares every night; they never seized to come and drag me back into my hellish subconscious. Whether it was the accident or Aiden, my mind like to decide.

"Kasey?" he outstretched his hand and rested it against my forehead, blink in surprise, "Shit. You're freezing."

He moved so quickly, I barely had time to process what happened. His jacket was around my shoulders within milliseconds, his eyes the size of saucers.

"You said you'd be okay out there." he was talking more to himself as he gave me a gentle shove into the tent. I opened my mouth to protest, but he had already started wrapping both blankets around me, his index finger and thumb gripping my chin as he stared into my eyes.

"Were you crying?" he asked, "Don't lie to me, Kasey. I'm sick and tired of lies. I know you are too."

"I h. . . had a n. . .nightmare." I said through chattering teeth. He dropped his hand back on to his lap.

"I'm sorry." he leaned back on his hands, eyes fluttering shut, "I don't have them because I don't sleep. Insomnia is my best friend."

"I have them e. . . every night." I forced out, shaking my head. He brought his hands forward and rubbed his temples, nodding slowly.

"I used to envy you, Kasey. I thought you had a great life. You had both parents, siblings that loved you, and a best friend that would of taken a bullet for you." he seemed to be lost in his thoughts, "Now I understand that you're life is just as screwed up as mine."

He steadied my hand, "I think we're a lethal combination, you and me. We understand the world doesn't bow down to our every command. We understand that no matter how hard we try, there's no way we can believe in true love in a cruel world like this. One that beats you down until you can barely stand against it."

I could hear my teeth starting to clatter against each other as he shook his head to himself. I was about to try and ask what he was doing, but never got a chance. He zipped the tent and pulled me back on to the ground with him, pulling the only remaining blanket over the two of us.

"You better not get hypothermia on me." he mumbled, rubbing my arm. "I shouldn't have agreed to let you sleep out there. You promised you'd put your clothes back on, too. I didn't think-"

"I'm okay." I said, my voice muffled by his chest. The closer his body was, the more warmth spread through my body. He must have realized it a little after I did, because he pressed me closer against him.

"You know, some athletes and people who've had near death experiences say that when they're closest to death, they feel the most alive." his lips were inches from mine, his breath sending warmth through my cheek, "That's how I feel when I'm around you, Kasey. Like I'm living for the first time knowing that it's going to kill me in the end."