Dear No One (Wattys2017) (UNDER CONSTRUCTION)

Dear No One, Can You Keep A Secret?

I thought about doing a video on Sunday, but decided against it when I realized just how stressed and anxious I was.

Cain had been trying to get me to come over all week, but I had rejected the offer multiple times. I wasn't exactly happy with him acting as my personal bodyguard and scaring Callum away.

He didn't know the Callum I had seen Monday night. The Callum with scars all over his body and a sad, distressed look in his eyes. He didn't see the Callum that was trying to recover from rumors that turned his life inside out. The Callum that had nearly gone down for my rape because I was too scared to speak up.

"Penny for your thoughts?" my father stood in my doorway, his glasses slightly askew on his nose as he looked down at me, eyes trained on my half open laptop.

"There's not really anything to tell. Just thinking." I replied, avoiding his questioning look. He huffed out a loud sigh before making his way toward me and pushing my laptop to the other side of the bed, taking its spot as he spoke.

"Honey, you know I'm here if you want to talk about anything, anything at all." he reached out a pushed a strand of my hair out of my eyes. I could feel them starting to sting as I stared at him. At the man that had taken care of me my entire life, had given up his job to raise us while Mom worked. I told him everything, he knew more about my life than anyone else.

But I had never been strong enough to tell him about that night.

Even now, years after Tommy's death, I knew it was take a toll on him. I couldn't force the words out, couldn't beg him not to tell anyone before finally telling him.

"I know, Daddy." I whispered. He moved closer and pulled me into his familiar, warm embrace. I rested my head against his chest, feeling his chin on the top of my head as I ran his fingers through my dark hair comfortingly.

"I know it seems like I haven't really been all here since. . . since then. I seemed to have forgot that I still had three wonderful kids here, needing their father. And you, my little baby, needed me the most and I wasn't here for you. I'm sorry." he said quietly, a heavy sadness in his voice.

"It's okay, Dad. It's-"

"No, it's not okay. You two were close and I only cared about how I felt, about me. All while my little girl was silently reaching out, she needed my hand, you needed my hand." He pulled back and cupped my cheek with a bitter smile, "I'm so sorry, Kasey."

I stared at him for a moment, taking in the new wrinkles around his eyes and the gray along his stubble and lining his thinning dark hair. He looked as if he'd aged over ten years in the last few.

"Dad." I whispered, squeezing his hand, "I understand. You were hurting and-"

"And that didn't give me a reason to abandon my kids, Kase. I want you guys to feel as though you can tell me anything. That's always what I've wanted and I. . . I failed with Thomas." the last of his words came out choked, his head whipping away from me as if he were shielding me from seeing the tears in his eyes.

"You didn't fail, Dad." I assured him, "Thomas. . . you did everything in your power to help him."

"But it wasn't enough. He was drowning and I didn't realize I needed to throw him the life preserver." it was then, seeing the tortured look in my father's eyes that the hard shell I had built around my heart started to crack.

"Dad." I breathed out, my hands beginning to shake as I gripped the sheets beneath me, "I need to tell you something."

"Anything." he took in my current state, "Are you okay, baby girl? Did someone hurt you?"