Journey’s End
Chapter 23
Loss
I entered Helm’s Deep in a numb daze. All I could think about was Aragorn… I didn’t even get to say goodbye. Fresh tears spilled from my eyes as we entered the gate and Eówyn made her way over to us, undoubtedly searching for Aragorn.
“So few. So few of you have returned.” She gasped.
“Our people are safe. We have paid for it with my many lives.” Théoden replied coldly.
I dismounted from Falas and choked back a sob as I saw Gimli approach Eówyn.
“Lord Aragorn, where is he?” She asked.
“He fell.” The Dwarf choked. She looked up in shock and met my tear-filled eyes. I shook my head and walked away. I couldn’t bear to be around people any more. I couldn’t bear any more sympathetic looks… They couldn’t begin to understand what I was feeling…
I left the gates and allowed myself to get swept up in the tide of villagers, as they made their way to the safety of the caves. As I reached the entrance to the caverns I broke away from the crowd, and made my way over to a tall stone wall. I slumped against it and slid to the floor, unable to hold myself up anymore. I curled into a tight ball and sobbed into my knees.
I couldn’t help blaming myself. Maybe if I hadn’t been avoiding him all day, then I would have stayed closer to him in the battle… I might have been able to save him… But I didn’t. I had wasted the precious last hours I had with him, all because of a stupid dream.
I sniffed. Crying wouldn’t bring him back. But I couldn’t help it.
‘Crying isn’t a sign of weakness… It’s just a sign that you have been strong for too long.’
The words he had spoken to me in Lothlórien echoed through my mind, warming my heart a little. I looked up, wiping the tears from my face as I watched the endless stream of people make their way into the caves. Then I heard a wail. It was the cry of a child. I searched through the crowd and found her. The little blond girl could have been no older than five. Her muddy face was streaked with tears as she was jostled along by the crowd. No one looked down. They were all too absorbed in their own lives. Eventually, the child made her way out of the crowd, and stood not far from me, her head whipping back and forth in confusion. I stood and approached her.
“What’s the matter?” I asked softly as she turned to look at me.
“I-I c-can’t find Mama…” She sobbed. I hushed her.
“Don’t worry.” I murmured, “She has to be around here somewhere, we’ll find her.”
The little girl looked at me.
“Did you loose someone too?” She asked. I felt fresh tears prick my eyes as she noticed that I had been crying. I nodded slowly.
“Yes… I lost someone.” I whispered.
“What is your name?” The girl asked.
“Rana.” I murmured.
“My name is Mya.” The child sniffed, rubbing her eyes. I smiled.
“Let’s go find your mother.” I said softly, lifting her and swinging her onto my shoulders. “Tell me if you see her, alright?”
I began to weave through the crowd, feeling like I had a sense of purpose again. The caves were huge, the walls glistened with moisture and minerals, and enormous columns of stone grew from the floor and ceiling. After making my way through the people, Mya suddenly cried out.
