Handprints ( #2 BOOK IN SERIES )

October (Part One)

Down my legs, down my stomach, I gaze at the stretch marks that are in the front of my eyes. Even now, a few months after giving birth, my body isn't back to the shape it was before. A part of me was hoping that I would just snap back into place, be the size I was before I got myself knocked up. The rest of me knew that was never going to happen but I could still hope. The more I look at them, the worse they seem to get and yet, I can't tear my eyes away. It is like they are drawn to the lines that haunt my body.

When I finally do get the motivation to move away from the bathroom mirror, I grab my dressing gown from the back of the door and wrap it around my almost naked body. The last few weeks have been hard and I can feel the effects of them taking place. Laura and I have hardly been speaking to one another which then put the rest of the group in an awkward situation. I don't want anyone to pick sides but it almost feels like it is that way. There is so much tension in our little group and nobody knows how to deal with it.

"Kristen, did you take your tablet this morning?" I hear my mum yell up at me.

Fastening the straps on the dressing gown, I make my way down stairs to see my mum standing in the kitchen holding the medication I take for my postnatal depression.

"Yeah, I had it this morning when I came down with Erin for her morning feed," I lie straight to her face. "Why are you asking?"

"I'm just making sure that you are keeping on track with it, that's all honey." My mum lowers her head and kisses my forehead, an action that ordinarily would make me feel loved and protected but today it makes me feel small. I don't ordinarily lie to my mum so it makes it even worse when I do, especially as I haven't taken my medication in a week.

"Well everything is fine here. Don't you need to go to work?" I ask, knowing that my mum has had to take an extra shift to cover for a friend.

"I'll be going soon. Will you tell Cory that I want to speak to him when get back?"

"Okay... but why?" I ask sounding really confused.

"I'll tell you later. Anyway, I have to go. Take care of yourself, love you," she says before dashing out of the door.

For a few moments, I stay standing on the spot until I decide to wonder upstairs. A part of me is tempted to go back into the bathroom and torment myself by looking in the mirror but instead I walk into my bedroom. Asleep on my bed is Cory, his chest slowly moving up and down with Erin sleeping by his side. Another lie I told my mum was that I did the morning feed today. I only woke up when Cory came back upstairs after feeding her so I decided to take a shower and afterwards got distracted by the sight in the mirror.

I just watch the two of them for a few minutes before settling down on the bed myself. Erin crinkles her nose as a response to me sitting down but slowly Cory begins to open his eyes.

"I am so tired," Cory says through a yawn as soon as he remembers how to talk.

"If my mum asks then I fed Erin this morning," I get straight to the point and tell him.

"What?" he asks so I repeat exactly what I had just said. "Why do you want me to lie Kris? Is everything okay?"

"Everything is fine, I just told my mum that I was up and did that feed. I don't want her to worry for no reason."

"I'm not sure. I don't like lying for people, especially if I don't know the reason. Also your mum is letting me live here rent free for the moment so I don't want to throw that back in her face," he argues with me and I know he has a good point.

"Okay, if you want to know then here is the reason. My mum asked me this morning if I had taken my medication for my depression so I told I had taken it when I fed Erin. I actually hadn't but I took it as soon as she left." Another lie that easily slips out.