A Muslim's Romantic Journey

Chapter 28.

Safia’s POV

Be calm, I told myself. Amy was just as shocked as I was. We concluded that we would keep this private for the time being. When Hafsa came later and joined us, we tried our best to be as normal as possible. Hafsa sensed there was something not right, but she didn't say anything because of Amy's presence. As soon as Amy left, Hafsa said,

"Tell me. Don't deny it; you have something on your mind. Tell me."

"I have to go home." If I stayed any longer, I'd end up telling Hafsa everything.

"Why? You've been with Amy the whole time you were here. Don't you want to spend any time with us?"

"I do but I have to go home."

"No you don't. You usually stay the whole day here. Did Aunt Jerry hint something to you again?" Hafsa asked curiously. Neither of us had any bad feelings towards her. I actually quite liked her. But after what Amy told me, that had changed. I felt like shouting to Hafsa, 'Don't talk to me about that woman!'

Suddenly, everything about her seemed bad. I could no longer ignore the comments she made about my clothes or how she disliked me coming to my parents' house for a day and how she often made sly remarks about it. She would tell me how other daughters in laws only went home when their mother in law gave them permission to. Permission to see my parents? Why would I need someone else's permission to visit my parents? Besides, Yusuf was happy with it. But even he was blind to the things his mum did. She always made me do all the housework and showed no appreciation. Yusuf and Maryam always helped me and appreciated me. Sometimes Yusuf's father helped too. That was my only motivation.

"No, she didn't hint anything." Not this time.

"Then why won't you stay? Tell Yusuf to pick you up later."

"He's at work."

"Tell him to pick you up after work." Hafsa wasn't going to listen. A part of me didn't want to see Yusuf just yet. Learning about what he used to be like was disturbing, especially because I could see some resemblances of Amy's description of Yusuf. He wasn't someone I would classify as having anger issues but since he learnt about his arthritis, he sometimes became a bit grumpy. 

"Fine." I said giving in. It was going to be a long day.

When Yusuf came, I didn't know what I felt when I saw him. The usual joy was there along with other feelings. There were questions and doubt. Lots of doubt. How well did I know the man I married? He greeted everyone and sat down next to me, blending into the family well, as always.

“What’s up with you?” He asked after a while.

“Everyone keeps saying that.” I tried to make a little joke out of it. Saying ‘nothing, I’m fine’ would have made it to obvious that something was wrong.

“Then smile.” He said poking my side. I smiled as convincingly as I could. Yusuf seemed satisfied as he directed his attention towards Hamza.

Time dragged on and I became more and more anxious about going ‘home.’ I didn’t want to see Yusuf’s brother and his mum. I never liked Javed but I was kind of fond of Aunt Jerry. Sometimes she upset me but I always thought it was unintentional. When she sounded critical of me, I saw it as constructive criticism. When she asked me to do so many chores at once, I felt it was my duty to do so because she was a motherly figure to me. Now I felt naïve and stupid. Of course it was all intentional. She never liked me. I knew it from the first day but I lied to myself, I buried those feelings. At first it was because she was my mum’s friend. Then it was for Maryam. Then when the comments became more frequent, I ignored them for Yusuf.