A Muslim's Romantic Journey

Chapter 29.

Yusuf’s POV

Every time my arthritis would flare up, I felt ashamed. I was sceptic of Safia’s comforting words because they were only words of comfort. Nobody ever meant them. I was sure Safia didn’t either. I didn’t doubt she loved me, but I felt like she was disappointed in me. I could never live up to anyone’s expectations.

On the days I would be limping, I’d apologize to Safia only to have her tell me off for apologizing. She said I didn’t need to but I felt I had to, especially at those times when I had to hold her to move around. I brought myself a cane to use at home but I hated the sight of it. I imagined how I looked in the eyes of Safia walking with that. 

I felt it was my fault Safia was now changing. She wasn’t as crazy and happy as she was when we first got married. When we found out about my arthritis, Safia was so helpful and was always trying to cheer me up. Now it as like she was fed up of me. She was quieter and she often got lost in her thoughts. Sometimes she wouldn't hear me when I spoke to her or called her name. Although I felt like I was the cause for this, it was now me trying to cheer her up. I wanted to somehow prove that I was good enough for her.

A few days before Ramadan, Safia, Maryam and I were playing Snakes and Ladders. It was my first Ramadan with Safia and I couldn't wait. I was mentally counting down the days, daydreaming about the long peaceful Taraweeh prayers. I thought of how Safia's delicious food was going to be even more rewarding at Iftar (breaking of fast at dusk). 

We were sitting on the floor cross legged, with my knee resting against Safia's thigh. Talking about Ramadan made Safia happy. She was being her normal delightful self as we sat there playing until Javed came home. It was the weekend and he was out to see a friend. It was clear by Safia's behaviour that she was annoyed when he came home. At first I understood she didn't like being around him because he wasn't her mahram, but now I thought she was being silly. He wasn't that bad. Other than Safia's first day here, Javed hadn't said or done anything bad to her. Surely Safia didn't keep grudges for that long.

"I'm going upstairs. I'm not feeling well." Safia said after Javed came into the room. She got up and left. Maryam stood up to follow her. 

"You stay, I'll go." I said to her.

"She's got you wrapped around her little finger." Javed chuckled.

"You're probably right." I answered.

I went to our room to see Safia sitting on the bed flicking through a book. I took the book out of her hand and put my head on her lap.

"Hi." I said.

"Hi." She put her hand on my head and I closed my eyes.

"Why don't you like Javed?" I expected her to deny it but she remained quiet. "Safi?" My eyes were still closed but I could feel Safia’s hesitation.

"So, you know Amy?" Safia asked like I did know her but I was hiding it.

"Your friend Amy? What has she got to do with this?"

"Remember when I told you about Amy’s ex fiancé?"

"Yes...?"

"Yeah well, my friend Amy is that same Amy who was going to marry Javed."

"What?" My eyes flew wide open. "What do you mean?"

"The man who messed up Amy's life was your brother." I sat up in shock.

“That can’t be right; I don’t even know an Amy.”

"You don’t know?" She asked looking confused by my reaction.