Being suicidal, you start to treasure your relationships with people more. You start to wonder if that goodbye was going to be the last one. You meet new people, and think to yourself "this is going to be the last time that they are ever going to see me,or speak to me." Sometimes you wish that people noticed that you're distancing yourself. When people ask if you're okay, you tell them yes, but you wish that they knew about the plans you have about killing yourself. You begin leaving behind little hints for your your family or friends, like writing letters telling them that you love them and that you're sorry for being a bad daughter. You've stopped caring about school, or keeping in contact with old friends, because you know that you'd just be wasting time. You've Googled "most successful ways to kill yourself " or "how many sleepling pills does it take to die? " at least once. You start to apologize for everything you do. You deprive yourself of your basic necessities because you're sure that you're not going to stay long enough to be able to use all of them. You start to tie lose ends, and you've stopped bothering about planning for your future. You only think short term,because to you, the future doesn't exist. You subconciously start to let go of people, in hopes that it'll be easier for you, and for them, when it comes to that day where you're finally gone. You make promises to stay, when you know fair well that you're going to leave in the end. You feel bad that you don't want to live anymore, despite of so many people in your life that loves you. You're sure that death is the only way out. You say goodnight when you clearly mean "goodbye". You know that it's not long from now that you're going to do it.
