so here i am again. i know its pathetic. i mean ive written drafts about how im feeling and ive been meaning to post them just as an update you know, but i always think like, "who the fuck cares?". nobody reads my books anyways. so,im fucking done. and i know i dont mean done with life i mean i dont see a point in living anymore. i cant look forward to anything in the near future other than my best friends birthday. and then im planning to fucking jump down a 20 story building. thats goodbye. i mean, 6 fucking years is all i can to put up with. people keep telling me it will be "okay" in the end but look at where i am now. fucking hell what is wrong with me. i just want to be happy. and i know that its so much better to continue living and being in peoples lives even though everything in your life sucks, but i dont see the point in that. i dont see the point in going through everyday without meaning. i dont see the point in putting up with the pain thats been haunting me for 6 fucking years. my whole life sucks. and i'd wake up everyday feeling like shit but i can pretend to be okay. i would go to school putting on a fucking facade the whole day to please everyone. because honestly nobody gives a fuck about what im feeling and nobody gives a fuck until youre dead. and even then,nobody gives a fuck. its my destiny to "die by my own terms" i guess. i know im a pathetic piece of shit and thats the reason why i need to kill myself. im sorry if that isnt a good enough excuse to you, but it is to me.
