The Journalist// Z.M.

SCARED OF THIS

I’ve been in this bathroom for the past 2 hours, crying. Completely balling. Every once in awhile Zayn would come to the door, “Natalie? Baby please come out.” I just sat there, “I can’t. I’m scared.” I heard a bang on the door, but I couldn’t tell if it was angry bang or frustrated bang. I then heard someone slide down the door and sat down. Both our backs are facing the door. Now I really want to go talk to him, I do, I really do. But I can’t move. I’m to scared, he’s going to get mad. I’m scared that it won’t work out after I leave. I’m scared that this relationship is over.

With another hour of debating I finally decided to open the door. I slowly raised my hand to turn the knob, my hand was shaking. I don’t know why it was shaking, but it was. I opened the door and peeked my head out the door. No one was there. I opened the door slowly till it was wide open. I crawled out of the bathroom. “There she is!” Louis laughed causing me to whip my head in his direction. How the hell did they get in here. They all just looked at me, right I’m still on my hands and knees, this must look really weird.

I decided to pick myself up off the ground and walk over to everyone was, nope not everyone. Zayn was missing. Fuck! “W-where’s Zayn?” the boys looked at me synchronized, creepy… they were silent. “Where’s Zayn?” I repeated, Liam stood up and started walking over to me, “Nat- what’s going on?” I looked between Liam and the other boys on the couch just staring at their shoes. What the actual fuck? What’s going on? Am I missing something? What the hell happened? AND WHERE THE FUCK IS ZAYN! “Natalie?” Liam asked waving his hand infront of me, “I’m going to ask you again. What is going on between you and Zayn?” I looked up at him, “What do you mean?” Liam took my hand and started walking toward the couches. I sat down and all boys looked up at me, umm… “We were going to come over here for a movie night, but Zayn stormed out the door. Pissed. So Natalie, what’s going on? We’ve never seen him like this.” I gulped, great this is all my fault.

I tried to figure out what happened earlier. Okay, I cried. I cried a lot. I locked myself in a bathroom and cried again. I completely ignored Zayn when he tried to help me, he has a right to be mad at me. He has every God damn right to be pissed at me. But is this really how I want it? Me leaving and him pissed at me? No. I need to talk to him. I guess my mind got the best of me. I need to make up my mind. I need to talk to him. And I need to do it now.

“Tell us what is happening.” Louis asked biting his nails. Damn it. After I tell them.

I sat there, pretty quite for a bit; thinking of how I’m going to tell them. “I have to go. I can’t be here anymore.” It just slipped out. I didn’t even think about it, it just happened. “What do you mean?” Harry asked now looking at me, his emerald irises digging into my skin. All their eyes were burning into my soul. I shifted under their uncomfortable gaze. “I’m scared.” I guess Liam knew what I was talking about. He got up and came over and hugged me. That’s really what I needed. I cried into his shirt quietly, drenching his shirt with my tears. “It’s okay. There, there now. Everything will be okay.” He soothed rubbing my back. I heard the front door  open and close, the boys probably left.

“Now that we are alone, do you want to tell me why you’re scared Nat?” I looked up and brushed the tears from my face, “I’ve fallen too hard. This is not how it’s supposed to happen. I never fell this hard for a guy… It’s supposed to be slower. We weren’t supposed to fast forward to this time. It’s been three years. Three years and it’s gone by so fast. And I just… I can’t do this.” I got up and ran to my room and started packing, “Natalie!” Liam got up and followed me, “Natalie, you need to realize that you’re heart and mind are two different parts. Your heart may be telling you to do something, for instance to stay. While your brain is telling you to leave. But sometimes you need to realize that maybe falling this hard for Zayn is a good thing.” I went and sat by him. “How do you know?” I asked, “Because. Zayn really likes you. You can’t just give up and leave. Just try talking to him. I know you’re a great talker, you always talk,” he chuckled, “But I know that it’ll be hard, but I’ll be with you the whole time. I won’t let this get to you. I promise.”

Great. Now I feel like I have to do this. I have no way of backing out. Could of came up with a Part B plan. But no Natalie, you’re head got to you. Damn it. Okay. Just talk to Zayn. I’m sure everything will work out. Just talk to him. Stop ignoring him. Talk to him. NOW!